Celebrities See All

Close

Quick Links

or
Published December 03, 2008 More Info »
0 Funny Votes
1 Die Votes
250 Views
Published December 03, 2008

Today's font- Times New Roman

Are these posting in the chosen fonts? Screw it. No time to worry.


Go for it.


Okay, so I literally have 23 minutes in which to blog about something today. Don't want to bore you with the details of my life but in, crap, 22 minutes I have to take over watching my daughter. She is amazing. I totally, absolutely love her. I am realizing that I have quickly become one of those people who will destroy your patience with stories or pictures. More often than not it will be pictures flashed first when someone is kind/stupid enough to ask how she is doing, how old she is, etc and then I just can't stop myself. I mean, yes I can, but rarely do I. Is it cute? The first 20 times, yes. Then... no. There have definitely been some times when people have just shut down and checked out and hated me and my amazing kid. A good friend just said, with the upmost of disinterest , "Yeah, She's cute. Okay. I'm good." And there have been a few instances that I have waxed annoying to some ladies who's biological clocks are clearly ticking at a deafening volume in their heads, and I can see the frustrated hunger well up in their eyes. But by that point my compulsion is in full swing. I can't stop. And I can hear their ovaries withering too nothing. Ewww.


It can be annoying. I admit it. If  I met me and had to hear me yak on and on, I would hate me too. Hell, I'd maybe even punch me. Take a pool cue to me and knock me right out... And then dump my unconscious body round back of the bar. Fuck it, I look like I've got some serious cash on me, so let's go through my wallet while I keep an eye out for the pigs. Come on man, hurry it up! FUCK.


You got it? Okay, let's go! What?! What the fuck, man? No. NO. LET'S GO! No I don't want to do that to me?! Cause it's fucking disgusting, man. Why do you always want to piss on them after we roll them? I'm just saying it is fucking freaky man. No, I'm not calling you a homo, man. Alls I'm saying is that I notice a weird compulsion you have when we- Yes, I know I have weird compulsion too, the talking about my kid thing. yeah, I know. That's what got me into this situation in the first place, but with you- Fine. FINE. I won't mention it anymore. Let's just leave my body by the dumpster and go score some fucking meth man. Cool? Cool.


Here, follow me. I think Goldy is home. He'll hook us up. I'm all straight with him now. That was just a bad night. Well, his old lady was being a major bitch, so... You know shit happens. She wasn't good looking to begin with so no loss there... I just want to get fucking high and forget about just getting mugged by us. What? What the hell does that mean? Yeah, I know I got a kid. So? So shut the fuck up man. I know what I am doing! Well who the hell are you to judge me, man!? Huh, here you are ripping people off, pissing on them. Well don't give me any shit about "you got kids". You run my kid's weekly sing a long at the library, so you got more kids depending on you than me. It is totally the same thing. Asshole... Excuse me? What did you call me?!  You know what man, the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, the wheels on the bus, go- GAHH! They go flat when I shove my knife in them, bitch! FUCK YOU.

Hey man? Dude? Oh god... Oh my god. What have I done? What have I become?!

Bwwwwwaaaa!!!

SHIT! It's the heat!

Oh... 23 minutes. is up. Time to watch my daughter.

Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web

More