Full Credits

Stats & Data

November 02, 2011

Steve Jobs was buried with a prototye of Apple's secret new product, the iPlot. We found a second unit in the funeral home which handled his final settlement. Its iOS 6.66 offers functionality you'll die for, but the devil is in the details. Read all about it.

A new Apple product prototype was found in the funeral home from which Steve Jobs was buried. It's the iPlot. A touch screen tombstone is just the start. 

The "take it with you when you go" version is the real winner. Its breakthrough is the new version of FaceTime dubbed Styx. With it users can communicate across the divide between the living and the dead. iOS 5 users on iPhone 4S and iPads will be able to download Styx to connect to their departed's iPlots. We expect this will drive more iPhone upgrades.

The prototype iPlot found in the funeral home only works on Buddhist faith-based network--Jobs' faith.

Starting in the Buddhist tradition gives Apple a China market entry point--something it has long sought, and at a premium price point. What makes the iPlot so attractive there is the cultural reverence for ancestors. With the emerging Chinese middle class the iPlot is the perfect mix of traditional values of ancestral care with a status symbol.

The iOS architecture should hold up for the monotheistic faith-based networks of Judaism and Islam.

Transubstantiation of the architecture to accommodate the Trinitarian God of Christian faith-based networks might open the iPlot iOS (iOS 6.66) to a new class of viruses--heretics. Rumors that the Christian network won't come until Mr. Jobs' resurrection appear to be unfounded. 

Apple will launch a new cloud service, iTombs for downloads of digital chants, ringing meditation bowls, votive candles, flowers, and the like but the expected perpetual adoration service won't be released until a battery life issue is addressed. This is a real disappointment.

Apple will keep the iPlot iOS 6.66 separate from the iOS running all other iOS devices to build in end of life obsolescence into those devices and create a unique market niche for the iPlot. It's a classic Apple strategy.

Users of the new iOS 6.66 device with Apple mail me.com accounts will get a new email domain, beyond.me.com, and keep their old email names and credentials. 

More details to follow.