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July 05, 2012

2 Colleagues haviong the most random conversation ever

From: Clare Willis
Sent: Friday, October 14, 2011 10:24 AM
To: Luke McMan
Subject: Account Update


I have cunningly disguised this email as a work related one.  Clever huh?!


Black & black.


I have been here now for 1hr 20 mins and done 9/10 of f*ck all. 


So what happened about that ‘all is not well’ text? 






From: Luke McMan
Sent: 14 October 2011 10:46
To: Clare Willis
Subject: Re: Account Update


Hi Clare,

I am still working on getting them to place the order. But quick q for you.



See what I did there?! ;o)

3 shades of stripy blue...all seems a bit better in ref to text but you never know.

I have been in training, but also feel like shit due to dodgy beer last night :o(





From: Clare Willis
Sent: 14 October 2011 10:48
To: Luke McMan
Subject: RE: Account Update


Ok keep me posted.







I got in at 1am last night so did not get my 8 hours.  Am a little stroppy today.  Nothing worse than a dodgy beer hangover. :o(







From: Luke McMan
Sent: 14 October 2011 10:51
To: Clare Willis
Subject: RE: Account Update


Will do...hoping to speak with Tom later today.






This is a good idea!


I only had about 3 pints so wasn’t remotely drunk and feel terrible, also a distinct lack of sleep as got back late (poker night on Thursday) so also not in the greatest of moods!







From: Clare Willis
Sent: 14 October 2011 11:02
To: Luke McMan
Subject: RE: Account Update


When they need an order form done, email  Project Office & they can sort.






Do you think we’ll ever get sussed?!  LOL.


I went to see Rihanna last night, was disappointed to be honest.





From: Luke McMan
Sent: 14 October 2011 13:42
To: Clare Willis
Subject: RE: Account Update


I spoke with them, and it is still gonna happen...hopefully this month! J





Probably not....we are WAAAAAY too smart! LOL


I have heard that she isn’t that good live....i don’t know what all the fuss is about tbh, not a fan....don’t find her remotely attractive either!






From: Clare Willis
Sent: 14 October 2011 13:50
To: Luke McMan
Subject: RE: Account Update


Excellent.  We’ll sort out a kick off conf call or meeting when we get the PO & signed forms J





I reckon so as well J


There was one bit that was complete filth and there were children in the audience, all a bit inappropriate to be honest.  She’s a good signer, just not that good at putting on a show.  Got any plans for the weekend?






From: Luke McMan
Sent: 14 October 2011 13:57
To: Clare Willis
Subject: RE: Account Update


Cool, It may be linked to the xxx and xxx one because they have merged to create a shared services or super organisation, don’t think that will matter though will it?




Definitely, this is all so cunning and  stealthy, we are wasted here, we should be working for MI6 as spies, i bet no one has ever thought of this!

Did she get her minge out? That would be inappropriate. This weekend I am going to sit outside your window with my box of Kleenex waiting for bath and bed time. Then watch the football (Leeds v Doncaster), followed by some stuff you don’t want to know about.

Saturday – watch Liverpool v Man U then dunno, but anything that is very cheap and does not include spending money. Maybe some singstar in the evening.

Sunday is F1 and PlayStation day, maybe also mow the lawn, followed by more sitting outside your window, then breaking in to get the lint from your tumble dryer



From: Clare Willis
Sent: 14 October 2011 14:04
To: Luke McMan
Subject: RE: Account Update


I’m the PM for them anyway so will be easy, Pete is doing all the allocating of projects so just make sure you email him to request me J




LOL.  I bet an email is sent round to the company stating that leaving extra lines between ‘work related’ emails and personal ones does not hoodwink the internal systems team…as long as they don’t attach an example it would be quite funny!!

She didn’t get her minge out but there was a lot of touching and she gave a girl from the audience a lap dance.

I think my neighbors might wonder what you’re up to but just let them know I am aware you’re there & they’ll leave you be.  FYI – I don’t have a tumble dryer.  I forgot about the F1.  I’m going to miss it & will just have to watch the highlights I think. 


From: Luke McMan
Sent: 14 October 2011 14:17
To: Clare Willis
Subject: RE: Account Update


Ah that works out quite well then. I shall make sure that Pete is notified.





I bet you one isn’t, this is so clever that even NASA couldn’t work it out, they should employ us as to run encryption of secret messages for the UN, we would make millions and no-one would ever crack it...it really is that covert. Although I have now decided to make it more covert, using camouflage!:



Sounds interesting, although the lapdance seems a bit weird, although she is renowned for being quite raunchy.


I have already met your neighbours several times, and last time gave them a box of French fancies to buy their silence. They were very apprehensive at first, but I explained to them it had been over a year since you had sown your oats, so would appreciate the attention, to which they agreed it is probably for the best.


So how do you dry your clothes then...do you hang them outside? As if so that would make obtaining a “souvenir” easier, as if no lint then would  need a replacement.




From: Clare Willis
Sent: 14 October 2011 14:25
To: Luke McMan
Subject: RE: Account Update


Yes it does work out quite well. 







I reckon running encryption of secret messages for the UN would be way more interesting that the jobs we currently do.  We would be privy to all sorts of interesting information.  I like the camouflage writing, makes it double difficult to read.


I have a washer / dryer, but the dryer bit broke & I did renew my warranty so hang clothes on an airer at the top of my stairs to dry them, and take towels, sheets etc round my mum & dads to dry in their tumble dryer!!  I don’t hang washing outside as it would spoil the look of my little garden and am OCD about things like that.  Also, even if I did hang them outside, I would not hang my undies out there as do not want people seeing them.  Find that weird tbh.



From: Luke McMan
Sent: 14 October 2011 14:52
To: Clare Willis
Subject: RE: Account Update


Good we would need to stay on top of them and ensure that it all gets deployed, they would probably need some hand holding.




I agree maybe we should forward this e-mail to the UN with our CV’s and see how we get on. I think that they would not be able to resist the obvious raw talent we have for this.  Especially now I have found out the best way of camouflaging e-mails sent to Russia and other snowy places. Which I shall start now.


(The following was initially White writing on a White Background)


Well once you have fixed your machine, or procured a new one, let me know, so I can infiltrate your house using the cat flap and retrieve the lint. In the mean time, is there a window near the airer that you leave open at night, that I can use to collect my souvenir using a contraption that I have designed using my genius like brain, which consists of a long, piece of plastic, some thin line and a hook that I have made. I think I will apply for a patent, as I think it could make me a fortune...here is a picture of my preliminary sketch that I did:



Please do not show it to anyone, as I wouldn’t want anyone to steal my idea. I would come in through the catflap, but unfortunately I have an aversion to stairs at night time, so feel that this would be the better option. If there is no window, then please could you let me know when you intend to use your mum and dads machine, and ensure that you clean the filter thoroughly before you use it, as mixed lint would not be as appealing (no offense to your folks). I can then steal it here, using a diversion consisting of a lighter/match, tissue, dog poo and the door bell. I just need the address.







From: Clare Willis
Sent: 14 October 2011 15:01
To: Luke McMan
Subject: RE: Account Update


Yes much like all the customers that we have.  SLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW.







I’ll work on my CV over the weekend then.  I even managed to work out how to read the ‘snowy’ message below.  I amaze myself sometimes.  How about I just bring you in a pair of my pants?!  Save all this hassle.  I don’t have a cat flap either as I hate cats (especially the one that keeps crapping in my garden…).  I think your idea is good, but it may already have been done before.  Did you not see the episode of Friends with the giant poking device?  This is just a variation of the below.  You may need to do more research.  I’m pleased to tell you, that at this point, my working week is over.  I am out of here.  I’m going home to lay on my sofa for a couple of hours before getting ready to go out tonight.  It’s never ending my social life, shame the same thing can’t be said for my bank account.  Can’t have it all though ah.






From: Luke McMan
Sent: Friday, October 14, 2011 03:38 PM
To: Clare Willis
Subject: FW: Account Update



You have no idea!









Good mine is ready, however I may tweak it to include a few more accounts of my espionage work such as the time that I followed a vehicle in a field very slowly without them noticing that I was going very slowly I even took a picture of my cunningness:



That would probably be a better an easier way of obtaining them..how about I come and get the ones you have now? That will save you having to remember to bring them in? Ah I thought you had a cat flap....evidently I must have been in the wrong house...I did wonder why you had a stannah stairlift and a collection of world war 2 memorabilia.


I don’t think my idea has been used before, I did do a lot of research and have been to many shops to make sure! I have listed these below:


Miss Selfridges

Top Shop


Dorothy Perkins


La Senza (got kicked out as not supposed to go in cubicles with people already in them apparently...who knew)

Clare’s Accessories


Holland & Barrett

Carpet Right


PC World



Anne Summers (this was an interesting experience, I walked out with something called the Black Mamba...not sure what it’s for but very scary looking)

Pizza Hut



See – Loads, and nothing that looked remotely like my invention.






From: Clare Willis
Sent: 14 October 2011 15:48
To: Luke McMan
Subject: RE: Account Update

That car pic has cracked me up. I can imagine you in it, face all covered in face paint! Lol. Right so you have espionage skills & I have stalking skills, together we could rule the world. Do you think they will let us wear superhero costumes at the UN? I think its only fitting? I quite fancy being She-ra or maybe Cheetarah from Thundercats. Who would you be?




 From: Luke McAllister
Sent: 14 October 2011 15:58
To: Clare Phillips
Subject: RE: Greenwich AMS







Face paint would be an option, however I find that a mixture of cowpat and grass gives it a more earthly look to it, and also more texture, completing that grass hill look. I don’t know if ruling the world would be the best option. As it would interfere with our Spy operations as everyone would then know who we are. However I suppose it didn’t hurt Will Smith, I saw him in a documentary called Men in Black, I didn’t realise that as well as an singer he is a spy who saves the world from aliens. Everyone knows who he is, but as soon as he has the glasses and black suit on, people don’t seem to ask him for autographs.


I think that if we ask nicely (we can do it using this new device I have made)



Then we could definitely be allowed to wear costumes, I like the cheetara idea – I would mott her then smash her back doors in. Although I would rather go for something a little more understated like bananaman or danger mouse...although with the latter having to have surgery to give me a head like a mouse could be a bit of a deal breaker on the latter.