Four former employees of Florida’s Department of Environmental Protection revealed that they were banned from using the terms “global warming,” “sustainability,” or “climate change” in all official government documents and communications. The policy went into place after Governor Rick Scott took office.

Wallace Smith Broecker, the scientist who coined the term “global warming,” sent a list of other terms for the Florida DEP to use instead.

Dear Florida Department of Environmental Protection,
I heard that Governor Rick Scott banned you from using the term I came up with, “global warming.” I tell you,I sure do regret using that term. Anyway, to try to help y'all out, here are some other phrases that you could use instead to try to convey the seriousness of man-made climate change:

  • The “Rising Sea Levels Makes Coastal Cities Go Bye-Bye” Effect
  • The “So, 90% Of Florida’s Land Is Less Than Five Feet Above Sea Level And Anyone Living There Will Soon Be Completely Fucked” Effect
  • “Greenhouse Gas Quagmire Of Death”
  • “Nuisance Flooding (Oh wait, I see that Florida actually already suggested this as a preferable substitute term.)
  • "Nuisance Desertification”
  • “Nuisance Rising Average Global Surface Temperatures Lead To Nuisance Widespread Extinction Of Nuisance Life On Earth”
  • “That Movie Waterworld But It’s Real”
  • “Sustainability”(but say it real sarcastically, like, “Our current environmental protection policies are soooooo the paragon of sustainability … NOT!”)
  • The “Our Planet Has A Pollution Boo Boo” Situation
  • The “Human-Caused Pollution Makes Earth Feel Sick"Phenomenon
  • The "Why Is This Manatee In My Living Room Trying To Bite My Dick Off And Also Why Is The Ocean In My Living Room Now?” Condition
  • “Global Warming (But Now With The Added Caveat That, Like, Just Because Some Parts Of The World Also Still Get Cold In The Winter Doesn’t Disprove The Very Observable Fact Of Global Average Surface Temperatures Rising)”
  • “Climate Change … For The Worse. Did We Really Need To Specify That The Change We Were Talking About Was Bad Change? Evidently So.”
  • “Global Carbon-Dioxide Clusterfuck”

If you liked this article, check out “The Scientist Who Named It "Global Warming” Would Like To Apologize For Naming It That.“