Full Credits

Stats & Data

March 18, 2010


Those Were Different Times Contest  #32

 Introducing: Sounds of Self Defense
Fact Checking Award:
If this is what happens when you wear Hai Karate, sign me up!

Best List (abbreviated for sanity)
the following entities have used the "now so many girls want to eff me that I'm over it & a little scared" template for their advertising:
-Yankee Candle
-The Metropolitan Museum of Art
-Warner Bros. "The Bridges of Madison County"
-LJN's "Thundercats" Action Figures
-Bing Crosby Enterprises
-Dignified Caskets.com
-Whalen's Horseradish

9. Like I would want to fight off three women trying to rape me

8. Sometimes the sound of you shitting your pants can scare a mugger away.......I mean I'm just guessing it could, nothing like that ever happened to me.........really......

7. Sounds of Self Defense:
Don't. Stop. Don't!...Stop!...Don't Stop Don't Stop Don't Stop!!!

6.5. part of a Herculean effort by the record industry in the '60's & '70's to fill up crates in basements across the country with albums that no one ever listened to, & fuel Big Flea Market.
6. it didn't work (some say Mr. Mustard Shirt really didn't try very hard to defend himself), so the next album was titled "Sounds of Astoundingly Ugly Babies"

5. Please don't touch my cock, which is three inches to the right of where you hand is. What will my wife say? Please, please don't. What would my wife say if one of you blew me while I was forced to finger the other two? What will my wife say now that you've got my cock in your hand? Help, help. I hope I didn't say that too loud.

4. What's happening to my Special Purpose?

3. Aces. Now if I'm ever attacked by three hot, noseless albinos I'm covered.

2. My favorite is the medley of slowly diminishing rape-whistles accompanied by slowly intensifying orgasmic-grunts.

1. it figures today was the day I forgot my coupon for Deep Woods Rape Off®