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Published August 22, 2012 More Info »
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9 Funny Votes
5 Die Votes
Published August 22, 2012
How to Kill a Pitch: A Comedy Video (and pilot for a yet unnamed web sitcom series)  Writer: Walt JaschekDirector: Angie LawingDirector of Photography: Chris Lawing Produced by: Mercury Labs  Characters Jon / Creative Director - AgencyJeanette / Account Director - AgencyBernard / Chief Marketing Officer – ClientBrooke / Marketing Manager – ClientEthan / Office Assistant – Client Extras The next agency in line to present:3 people, non-speaking, cameo BLACK SCREEN Fade in title: How to Kill a Pitch Fade up sound of a small group laughing. Title fades out and the laughter bridges across the CUT TO: INT – CLIENT CONFERENCE ROOM Jon and Jeanette are wrapping up a presentation to clients Bernard and Brooke. It’s obviously gone well. The laughter is dying down. Jon puts the last of a series of foam core boards face down on a stack. JON:  And with that final, funny scene, this spot serves as climax to a completely integrated, cross-platform marketing campaign that is “locked and loaded.” Let’s pull that trigger. JEANETTE:  And from a strategy perspective, it is right on strategy. Right. On. BERNARD:  Well, Jon, Jeanette: this is fantastic work. Wonderful. A home run. Hilarious, memorable, unforgettable, really. I was totally entertained every second. Brooke is agreeing with her boss via a series of verbal cues:  “Right, Uh-huh, it is, yes.” The agency people are beaming. Bernard, though, has one more card to play. BERNARD:  But... Uh-oh. The agency people trade glances. It’s the “but.” The client’s demeanor changes to a concerned scowl. BERNARD:  I worry. Is it TOO entertaining? TOO engaging? If we go on the air with something this noticeable, this excellent, will the spot wear out faster? Will people get tired of it? Will we have set a standard of being “excellent” that we’ll have to meet each time? He gives the word “excellent” air quotes, of course.  Jon and Marcy are completely drained by this exasperating reaction, which they’ve obviously heard before.  It’s just too much. JON (to Jeanette):  Will you just kill me now? JEANETTE:  I’m sorry? JON:  Will you kill me? Right now? Here? On the spot. Jeanette considers this with sobriety. JEANETTE: Well, hmmm, yes. Yes, I will. But only if you kill me simultaneously. JON:  Simultaneously?  JEANETTE:  Yes. JON:  That’s a deal. JEANETTE: Let’s do it. JON:  I’m in. Jon pulls a pistol from his sock.  Jeanette pulls a pistol from a Coach handbag. The clients seem to be bemused by this. But sure enough, the CD and AE point the guns at each other.  Creative director counts down:  “3... 2.... 1.... now.” Reaction shot of the clients as the creative director and account executive shoot each other in the heads.  BLAM! BLAM! The clients get a little splattered blood on them. We see the bodies of the CD and AE slump to the floor. But the clients aren’t really disturbed. Brooke turns to Bernard with a studied earnestness. BROOKE: I don’t think he knew how to answer your question. Bernard nods. This is the right response from his subordinate. The onus is on the agency, which obviously flaked out. KER-CHUNK! The client assistant, Ethan, opens the door to the conference room. ETHAN THE ASSISTANT: Shall I send in the next agency? Bernard and Brooke straighten, gather papers.  Brooke smiles up at Ethan. BERNARD:  Certainly. BROOKE:  Yes, please do. CUT TO: EXTERIOR HALLWAY Ethan, holding the smile, turn and looks down the hallway. REVERSE ANGLE – HALLWAY – ETHAN’S POINT OF VIEW A group of anxious, smiling people from the next agency, all holding their presentation materials, looking to Ethan for the “come hither” signal. REVERSE ANGLE – Back to Ethan With a small hand gesture, he beckons the next agency to advance. CUT TO BLACK  CREDITS SEQUENCE Quick single-screen credit cuts and scroll over a lively, jaunty “Ragtime” tune.  “See?,” the music seems to say. “It was all in good fun.” THE END  Watch the video and vote "Funny" or "Die" on Funny or Die. Read what director Angie Lawing says about the project on AdSaint.