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“THE BREAKFAST CLUB: 26 YEARS LATER" 

By Michael Lake
 

(OPEN ON: GRAPHIC: “SO, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO?” BUMPER) 

 

(INTO: A STUDIO. YOUNG HOST DICKY GLEESON JUMPS ONTO STAGE, MIC IN HAND)

 

DICKY

Yo yo yo! Hey, everyone, and welcome to “So, Whatever Happened To?” Tonight, we catch up with the cast of “The Breakfast Club” 26 years later! Man, when that movie was made, I was just a sperm! Why 26 years later, and not 25, you say? We tried to do it last year but Ally Sheedy had to take her kid to a birthday party and the week after that Judd Nelson had corrective eye surgery! Negotiations fell through! But they’re here today! Sitting backstage! Right now! And after this catch-up interview with Hanson, we are so going to bring them out!

 

(CUT TO: BACKSTAGE. ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL, ALLY SHEEDY, EMILIO ESTEVEZ, JUDD NELSON, AND MOLLY RINGWALD ARE SITTING IN THE GREEN ROOM)

 

ANTHONY

Man. Sacrificing a whole Saturday to give a stupid interview. What a waste.

 

JUDD

Right, Anthony Michael Hall. Like you have things going on.

 

ANTHONY

I do.

 

JUDD

Sure.

 

ANTHONY

I do!

 

JUDD

I never, ever thought I’d have to be back in the same room as you sorry suckers again. Wasn’t that a FUN movie to shoot? Weren’t we just a bunch of living stereotypes? What did they call me, again? The criminal?

 

EMILIO

The athlete.

 

MOLLY

The princess.

 

ALLY

Star of “St. Elmo’s Fire”, Ally Sheedy.

 

ANTHONY

The brain. Likeable, shy, nerdy, smart kid. Remember how many movies I did in the 80s?

 

JUDD

That’s all fine and dandy, but what you done for us lately?

 

ANTHONY

Seen “The Dark Knight”, by chance? The most successful non-Cameron film of all time?

 

JUDD

Of course. What about it?

 

ANTHONY

I was in that.

 

JUDD

Shut up. You were not.

 

ANTHONY

I played a reporter that got killed by The Joker.

 

JUDD

Next time I watch it, I will make sure I don’t blink and miss that.

 

ANTHONY

Okay.

 

JUDD

So I guess what you’re saying is, you’ve been reduced to bit parts in movies where you die. That’s working, I suppose. Demented and SAD, but working.

 

(DICKY GLEASON BURSTS INTO THE ROOM)

 

DICKY

HEY! What’s with all the noise?

 

ANTHONY

Noise?

 

DICKY

I heard a noise back here!

 

ANTHONY

Can you describe the noise?              

 

DICKY

I can you hear you washed-up windbags chattering all the way down in the studio. Now, in a minute, we are going to film my interview with Hanson, and you are not going to screw this up for me, okay?

 

JUDD

Whatever you say, Dicky!

 

DICKY

Good. My assistant will be in here soon to fetch you!

 

(DICKY LEAVES)

 

MOLLY

You know, Judd. You don’t have to be so mean to Anthony just because you never amounted to anything. Did you ever even act again?

 

JUDD

Oh, hello, Molly. You know, I was creeping your IMDB page the other day and I found out that you turned down the main roles in both “Ghost” and “Pretty Woman”. Like, what? Why? You didn’t want to tarnish your perfect reputation? How did that pay off?

 

MOLLY

Shut up.

 

JUDD

What are you doing now?

 

MOLLY

A TV show called “This American Life”.

 

JUDD

Well, at least you have your integrity! And you’re still employed! Great. Do you know how much acting I’ve done lately? Oh, it was a banner freaking year for the Nelson resume! My agent doesn’t even know my name anymore. The other day, he called me “Jude”. This is the longest monologue I’ve given in twenty-six YEARS!

 

(DICKY RE-ENTERS)

 

DICKY

HEY! JUDD NELSON! I’M NOT MESSING AROUND! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET A HOLD OF HANSON THESE DAYS?

 

JUDD

Not very?

 

DICKY

Not to schedule them, fine, I’ll give you that. But tracking them down was HARD! Next time I come in here, I’m cracking SKULLS!

 

JUDD

Do you always speak in colloquialisms?

 

DICKY

Don't mess with the bull, Judd. You'll get the horns. 

 

 

(DICKY LEAVES)

 

JUDD

Okay, Miss Molly, where were we?

 

EMILIO

Hey, man, why can’t you just lay off her?

 

JUDD

Well, well, if it isn’t Emilio “The Mighty Ducks” Estevez. How’s your brother Charlie doing?

 

ANDREW

Shut up. Those are classic family films. And Charlie’s doing well for himself. Lots of press.


(DICKY ENTERS ONCE AGAIN)

DICKY

WE ARE A MINUTE TO AIR! STOP TALKING! I’M NOT MESSING AROUND, JUDD NELSON! DO YOU WANT TO HAVE TO COME BACK AND DO THIS INTERVIEW ALL OVER AGAIN NEXT SATURDAY?

 

JUDD

I’d love that. I need the exposure.

 

DICKY

Then it’s a deal!

 

JUDD

Good. I need that.

 

DICKY

Care to make it three?
 

JUDD

No. 
 

DICKY

You’ve just bought yourself another. Are you going to keep going?

 

JUDD

Sure. I’m available!

 

DICKY

Then I’ll give you another!

 

JUDD

I’m not mad about this. Thank you.

 

DICKY

GOOD! NOW I’M GOING TO INTERVIEW HANSON, THE BEST BAND EVER!

 

(DICKY LEAVES)

 

JUDD

Where were we, jock? Oh yeah... “The Mighty Ducks”? Wasn’t that just a trilogy of winners? Are you proud of your career?

 

EMILIO

Uh...no. When I was growing up my dad, Martin Sheen of “The West Wing”, totally wanted me to follow in his footsteps. “Emilio! You’ve got to be number one! I won’t take any losers in the family! Win! Win! Win!” Now my brother Charlie’s the one winning. Way more famous than I’ve ever been. He’s talking about tiger blood and warlocks, Vatican assassins, and who knows what. He’s gotten more press in two months than I have in twenty years. Sometimes when I was filming “D2”, I was hoping my knee would give way, and I’d never have to disappoint my father by starring in anything less than a popular prime-time political drama. He could forget all about me. Winning!

 

(DICKY RE-ENTERS)

 

DICKY

That’s it! You’re all cut! No interview! Get out of my sight! 40-something wash-ups!

 

JUDD

I’m in my 50s. So, there. For the record, we were in one of the most iconic films of the day, whereas you host a reality show. Where the hell will you be in 26 years? And does Justin Bieber know you raid his wardrobe?

 

(DICKY LEAVES)

 

ANTHONY

You know guys, I learned something today. We may not be as successful as fellow “Brat Pack” – ers Robert Downey Jr., Charlie Sheen, Rob Lowe, or even Jon Cryer, but, hey, at least the five of us are more successful than “Pretty in Pink’s” Andrew McCarthy!

 

MOLLY

Who?

 

ANTHONY

Exactly!
 

(THEY ALL LAUGH. FREEZE FRAME)

 

(MUSIC: “DON’T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME” BY SIMPLE MINDS) 

 

(SCROLL: THEY ALL BECAME FRIENDS AND HAD SEX)

 

(OUT) 

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