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September 24, 2008


Want to know how to draw out the dark underbelly of society with a simple add in your local paper?, ………..have a yard sale.  This past weekend was a front row ticket to some of my community’s more ah, colorful individuals.  So the set up was your usual tables with clothes that have made you succumb to the realization that you’re not in your twenties anymore,  trinkets and gadgets that have been taking up closet and drawer space,  Gifts that you politely smiled and said “thank you” for while simultaneously doing a mental inventory of space in your closet or garage.  We had some particularly nice and shitty items due to the haul my wife brings in every year from her teaching job, nothing says great teacher like chipped glazed pottery in the shape of a lady bug that doubles as a paper weight.  Now don’t get me wrong here a lot of our stuff was name brand and well cared for such as baby clothes, electronics, and small kitchen appliances and was really a good deal for anyone who needed those items. So the add in the paper says the sale starts at 8am and at 7:15 we’ve got Cletus and his ma loitering around our driveway like their at a ticket master the release day of a new Jonas Brothers tour.  Slowly but surely more and more people begin to arrive so we say what the hell and open the flood gates.  Now here is where it gets interesting, you’ve got already mentioned Cletus rubbing elbows with Lexus driving Ms.Victoria thinks highly of herself but is really a bargain shopping addict.  We had granny with a leather fanny pack that had tassels and reflectors, we had the nice gay guys who bought all our candles and cheap art, we had a local pawn shop owner harassing our customers and us for used gold jewelry and guitars.   I began to realize that people will buy anything and thought I’d make it interesting.  I went back into the house and rounded up items that wouldn’t sell for sure.  First up was a pair my used, but clean, boxer shorts, ………sold in twenty minutes!  Next, was a salt and pepper set/napkin holder minus the salt shaker……….sold in 13 minutes.  These people were like ants carrying away anything they came across, it was freaking awesome.  We even had people asking us if we had certain items as if we’ve done inventory or have a warehouse outback, IT’S A FREAKEN YARD SALE FOLKS!!!!  I can’t complain too much as we brought in over three hundred bucks for one Saturday morning.  But if you’re a people watcher, as I am, then have you a yard sale, find some shade and a cool drink, and enjoy what unfolds before you!!