Joe Kwaczala here, Chicago comedian and host of The Late Live Show. Below is the actual profile I filled out for myself on the dating website OKCupid. Initially, I had made an honest attempt to portray my real self on the site, but the frustrations of accurately doing that inspired what you see before you. OKCupid thought it was so funny that they banned me, didn't inform me of this action, and then pretended the site was having technical difficulties every time I tried to log on.
Thanks to The Steamroller for encouraging me to go public with this.