One of the fun things about being a celebrity is that you can do whatever you want and because you’ve surrounded yourself with Yes Men, it’s conceivable that no one will ever question your decision making! So fun! Celebrities: They’re just like us if we had money and power and the freedom to do whatever we desired.
If you’re curious what we’re talking about, see below for 12 examples.
Eddie Murphy - "Party All The Time"
What He’s Famous For: Beloved blockbuster comedies, giving rides to transexual prostitutes, The Adventures of Pluto Nash
Why He Should Never Be Making Music: Okay, so this song is pretty catchy and all, but that's only because Rick James was the mastermind behind it. Let's leave the fat-suit-wearing to Murphy and the music to Rick James (bitch).
Bruce Willis - "Respect Yourself"
What He’s Famous For: Die Hard, baldness, naming his daughter "Rumer"
Why He Should Never Be Making Music: If you spend all your time hanging with Ashton Kutcher while Kutcher is doing your ex-wife, you should not be singing to others about respecting themselves.
Joey Lawrence - "Rolled"
What He’s Famous For: Blossom, the word “Whoa”
Why He Should Never Be Making Music: His association with Blossom almost singlehandedly ruined hip hop.
Patrick Swayze - "She's Like The Wind"
What He’s Famous For: Never putting Baby in a corner
Why He Should Never Be Making Music: Swayze didn't need to sing because he was already a triple-threat. He could act, dance, and make erotic ghost pottery with the best of them.
Scarlett Johansson - "Falling Down"
What She’s Famous For: SodaStream, liking Obama, playing a sexy ringtone in a movie
Why She Should Never Be Making Music: Scarlett is young, super attractive and highly successful. She should not be allowed to make music because it's not fair.
Joe Pesci - "Wise Guy"
What He’s Famous For: Yelling, shooting, having paint cans thrown at his head by MacCaulay Culkin
Why He Should Never Be Making Music: With a voice like Joe Pesci's, if you start singing to a group of people, they're going to automatically assume you're attacking them. They'll probably start throwing paint cans to defend themselves.
Russell Crowe - "The Photography Kills"
What He’s Famous For: Gladiator, Telephone-throwing competitions
Why He Should Never Be Making Music: Wasn’t the torture he put us through during Les Miserables enough? Last we checked, the film’s run time was clocking in at 20 minutes past eternity. No more, Russell. No more.
Jennifer Love Hewitt - "BareNaked"
What She’s Famous For: Knowing what we did last summer?
Why She Should Never Be Making Music: It’s debatable that she can even make movies, so one thing at a time, Jennifer.
John Travolta - "Razzamatazz"
What He’s Famous For: Being John Travolta
Why He Should Never Be Making Music: This is questionable as he’s starred in universally-loved movie musicals. Like Face-Off, when he and Nic Cage dueted on the timeless classic, “Give Me Back My Family” and “There’s a Bomb in the City Center.”
Corey Feldman - "Ascension Millennium"
What He’s Famous For: Not actually sure at this point.
Why He Should Never Be Making Music: You know what, just let this guy do his thing. He’s been through enough and needs something to feel good about.
Don Johnson - "Heartbeat"
What He’s Famous For: Miami, Awesome white suits.
Why He Should Never Be Making Music: Unless he’s covering “In The Air” at a local karaoke bar at 3am, he should — wait, is he doing that? Because we would love every goddamn second of that.
Tom Hanks - "The Polar Express"
What He’s Famous For: Being the most likable man in Hollywood, fighting pirates.
Why He Should Never Be Making Music: Because we never want to sully the perfect image we have of the perfect man.
BONUS! ONE MORE ACADEMY AWARDS PLAYLIST!
The REAL Gravity Soundtrack
The film Gravity was a massive hit, despite a soundtrack that The New York Times called a “snoozefest” and “severely lacking in John Mayer cuts.” Just kidding. They didn’t say that. But they should have. The filmmakers missed every opportunity for a fun soundtrack, opting for a score that a real review probably deemed “suspenseful” or “perfect for the movie.” Whatever, we’ve fixed that and have given Gravity the soundtrack it deserves. Mayer is on here twice, as it only makes sense that the film open with his aptly-titled song “Gravity” as well as offering up a reprise of the tune over the credits.