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August 26, 2015

We ask Biden insiders why the VP is turtle necking on entering the race.

There has been a lot of speculation on whether Biden will be shitting or getting off of the pot - that is, whether or not he’s running for president. We’ve heard from many Biden insiders, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, and most say he is turtle necking on the question of entering the race. After polling his inside circle with the question of why Biden hasn’t dropped the kids off at the election pool yet, we received the following array of answers. Only time will tell if he will get a case of the election runs.

Top five responses from Biden insiders:
1) “I don’t think he’s going to run. He’s still recovering from ‘foot-in-mouth’ disease.”
2) “Before making a decision, he’s waiting to hear from the IT department on whether his son, Hunter, can access the Ashley Madison site from behind the White House internet firewall.”
3) “I think he will run if Elizabeth Warren will pow wow with him.”
4) “Biden has bigger balls than Hillary, so I think he’ll be announcing soon.”
5) “No, he’s not running. He thinks Bernie Sanders is just too clean and articulate.”