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July 24, 2014

Joshua reviews the movie Purge: Anarchy

Joshua’s Review of Purge: Anarchy
I should start off by saying that I hate Michael Bay. So I once I saw that he had something to do with this movie I took my rating and cut it in half. It says that Michael Bay produced this movie. By produced I feel like they mean he just showed up and gave them whatever pocket change he had.


This family are huge fans of Dexter!

Anyways lets get to the movie. It starts out with people trying to get home before The Purge begins. Cause you know the one night a year where murder is legal that’s the time to travel or run to Walgreens. You see one the daughter of a cafe waitress watching a video with Omar from The Wire. Her grandpa is acting like a real bitch so he gives his body up to the rich for 100K. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me! So anyways the purge starts and lets see you got the gang from The Warriors running around,some dude called Big Daddy killing people with the gun from The Predator and of course the angry landlord who is upset that he never got to rape the hot mother and daughter living on the 4th floor. You also got our hero driving around in his Twisted Metal car who ends up saving the milf and her slut of a daughter from Big Daddy’s army. Oh did I mention the couple of Shane and Shane’s wife. They’re going through some rough times and thought the night of the purge was a great night to drive to her mother house to tell them that they are going to break-up. Yea so they meet up with the hero,the milf and the slut.

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It was nice of God to wear a name tag for us

Big Daddy shoots up the hero’s car so the milf is all like “help us get to my friends house and they will let you used their car.” Shane and Miss.Shane tags along. On the way there they run into Melissa McCarthy who is on the roof sniping people. Shane steps into a bear trap……blah blah blah they get to the milf’s friends house only for the hero to find out that there is no car for him to have. So he is all like “Look here you fucking milf I had shit to do god damn it!” So then like the milf’s friend starting hitting on some dude who’s wife was also there so she got angry and started shooting up the place. The gang of losers leave however Big Daddy and his army of Storm Troopers found out where they were at.

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Tank Abbott

They hop the fence only to get caught by The Warriors who takes them to be auction off to the rich so they can purge cause if you’re not purging you’re not shit. The hero ends up killing them all and that’s when Omar from The Wire shows up and that one black dude from the first Purge movie. They kill all the rich fucks for killing the poor. I guess on the way there they just looked the other way when they saw the poor killing the poor. Oh yea Shane was killed off at some point during all of this. Trust me if you watched the movie you would have forgot about Shane too.

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If you saw God hitchhiking would you pick him up?

The hero,the milf and the slut make their way to some dude’s house who killed the hero’s son in a car accident. The dude was drunk as hell so the hero wanted to purge the balls out of him but he was talked out of it by the milf and the slut. On the way out of the dude’s house the hero was shoot by Big Daddy who tells him that the purge was made up by the government so that the poor can kill each other but the poor wasn’t killing enough of each other so the government had to step in to make the numbers look better. THANKS OBAMA! During his speech the milf shoots Big Daddy is his head right at the buzzer! She is like the Robert Horry of the purge. The dude takes the hero to the e.r where I think he lives. I don’t know. The end.

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The Hero! This is what he said to get the role

I can’t say this is the worst movie I seen all year but it’s in the top 2. I watch the credits at the end not cause I thought there was a X-Men type deal thing at the end but to make a list of names of people just in case the Purge every happens in real life. I can’t say enough how I hate Michael Bay. I feel like the movie Pearl Harbor was more worst than the real Pearl Harbor. I’m scared to see what he was done to my turtles. So all of that being said I will have to give this move 1 star……and I feel like I’m being to nice. If you know anyone who wants to go see this shit do them a favor and have them pay you $6 for you to punch them in their face.

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Purge: Anarchy
1 star