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April 13, 2017

Let's send a caustic greeting card to the leader of ill-repute of North Korea.

Since MemoryTag is expanding the role of greeting cards into anything possible and probable, for example replacing the boring old cards of yesterday with cards that tease, cards that joke and use sarcasm to make us laugh, something cards never did before—-they were just for “Happy Birthday”and “Get Well.”

Boring stuff like that.

But if we can use the video interactive technology of a greeting card to do a comedy routine, why not branch out and use them for foreign policy—-for example to upbraid leaders both foreign and domestic for their wickedness, stupidity, or even congratulating in that rare case they’ve done something right?

Who can we start with? How about Kim Jong-un, the dictator (he ought to be called prictator) of North Korea, the land where time stood still, where you are told you are lucky to be starving. Kim reminds me of Poppin’ Fresh, the Pillsbury Doughboy (this was a TV commercial with a fat little troll composed of white flour), who when you poked his stomach, he responded with “Hoo-hoo!”

Kim wears a hairstyle in a clump on top of his head that makes it appear the barber doesn’t understand uniformity or ran out of electrical power for the scissor shears in one of North Korean’s frequent power outages. Kim reminds me of an Asian squirrel storing up nuts for the winter in his fat cheeks, and the supply of nuts (nut-cases) in this country is about the only thing they’re not short of.

A MemoryTag card that says “Go F..Yourself” would perhaps be appropriate.

There are many others that can be used to let Kim know you’re thinking about him.

Remember, mail delivery is very sporadic and unreliable in North Korea, and is inconsistent, just like everything else in North Korea except for misery. However, the populace have been persuaded (at gunpoint) to believe having nothing is having something, and that worshipping a dictator whom it is believed by many doesn’t take a sh’t (he’s full of it), is every bit as pleasurable as eating nonexistent food.

They also don’t have toilet paper in abundance in North Korea. People use discarded lengths of hemp rope which can be very scratchy but can be smoked for a cheap high afterwards.

One MemoryTag card that says, “Damn, the sh’t people do for attention,” might be applicable to Kim’s repeated attempts to launch a missile that files on target in a straight line farther east than Guam.

Unlike the export of mostly errant out-of-control missiles,threats and bad blood, North Korea’s one peaceful export is gnats. These tiny insects fly and buzz around and are very small and hard to catch and it can take up to 15 months to fill a small Kleenex-sized box—with gnats. There is no outside market for gnats as yet, but North Korean officials are hopeful it will revive their fossilized economy and allow them to steal more nuclear technology to threaten the outside world to gain concessions like free food,but only to feed high level government officials not the public.

Kim is one of the few fat people in the country.

As I said mail delivery in the country is very unreliable.If you mail a MemoryTag card to Kim it first goes to the Bulgarian Embassy where it sits for seven months. Then a man who looks like he’s 112 years old takes your card, puts it in his back pocket, gets on a decrepit old bicycle,and begins pedaling toward the Asian Steppes. Eventually it is placed aboard a yak for the trek across Outer Mongolia.

Eventually Kim receives your MemoryTag card. You downloaded the app and with your smartphone recorded a message perhaps telling Kim, “You two-bit waste of skin! I hope your snake dies. What is that a dead skunk on your head? Instead of a missile, why don’t you stick a broom handle up your whatever and fly on it…”

Of course to see your video message Kim also would download the MemoryTag app and have a smartphone. It’s possible he could send a spy to steal one. He has lots of time on his hands to steal, to pose, strut around and act like a pompous jackass. When Kim sees your message he marks you down on a “Troublemakers List” to be dealt with when in Kim’s fantasy California is conquered and renamed North Korea West.

Other MemoryTag cards that might be appropriate for Kim include the ones that read “You’re Bat Shit Crazy,” or “Nobody Likes You,” or “You are an Asshole.”

Or the perhaps card that says “May You Live Long Enough to Poop Yourself,” and then write in with pen and ink on the card, “You’re my least favorite turd.”

For more information go to: https://memorytag.cards/.