Hello, American Imperialists. As you have no doubt already heard from your substandard online news sources, today, just past dawn, a network of highly skilled cybercriminals from The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea hacked into the previously impenetrable firewalls of viral web factory FunnyDeathChoose.com, taking over the website in a spectacular display of our country’s power.
The invasion did not stop there. Our wise, muscular operatives managed to sift through thousands of emails belonging to company founders Will Ferrell, the famous screaming clown, and meaningless golden statue winner Adam McKay, a traitor who delights in dishonoring his own country’s leaders. The contents of their emails, skillfully screen-grabbed below, bring to light the sordid details of their personal and professional lives: