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Published August 16, 2013

 

Hasn't everyone been in that awkward situation where you and Nev Schulman are driving to a crappy patio in North Carolina to meet their Catfish? The wisdom displayed below is from hours of watching the show. Here are some simple steps to avoid being in this position:

Warning: This article contains bad references to celebrities as analogies for the rules

Photography

If the photgraphy is frickin' good If you start talking to someone who isn't a model or of a profession where make-up and lighting is given before a profile picture, then be warned. These Catfish would have found a random Latvian model and chose their pictures to be the face of their fake identity. If the model in the photos is famous, you're stupid.

Friend list

If your social networking acquaintance only has 6 friends, it's a bad sign. Mel Gibson probably has more than 6 Jewish friends still on Facebook.

Webcam

If its been a long relationship and the partner is making excuses for video chatting, grow up. The likely reasoning is normally that they don't have a webcam or that it's broken. Even Betty White would Facetime, it's 2013.

Distance

Many episodes see a relationship with a very short milage. However, this still seems to be an obstacle that cannot be overcome for the Catfish. If they live within 15 miles and can't make time to see you, it's dodgy. If you can travel to them without having to recharge your segway, then they're close enough to meet for sure.

Busy

The most common excuse for not being able to meet up with their victim, is being busy. I don't care who you are, no one is busy. Even Paula Deen could take 20 minutes out of her "backed-up schedule" to meet with her fling.

A final tip for the Catfish themselves The biggest mistake for a Catfish to make when confronted with their victim is to show little remorse. If you said that you did it because you were "bored", you will be hated more than if Woody Allen traded in Soon Yi for a 'younger model'.

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