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September 08, 2014

Sailor caps are encouraged, but not mandatory.

Rules for the 4th Annual “Virgin Margaritavile - A Jimmy Buffet Triubute Sing-a-long”

Hey guys:

Super excited about this year’s Virgin Margaritaville! Still haven’t heard from Jimmy’s people if he’s coming, but keep your fingers crossed! I’ve got the couches on the lawn, brand new Chinese lanterns and tiki torches are in place. I just wanted to run through some house rules before you all come over!

1) To be clear to any new attendees, the ‘virgin’ in Virgin Margaritaville is referring to drinks without alcohol, not people who have not had sex. So if you’re a guy coming to this party to pick up some virgin chicks and/or babes, you will be sadly disappointed. Anyone with that mindset probably shouldn’t come. This is a tribute to Jimmy, not a hook up party. Also, any questioning or mention of my possible virginity at 39 years old is strictly prohibited.

2) Back to the ‘virgin’ word, no alcohol is allowed at this party. Virgin margaritas will be served and you’re more than welcome to byo-nonalcoholic-b. I hope that you can respect my sobriety, and I’m sure Jimmy remembers when I ran backstage intoxicated and threw up on him at Jones Beach in 1997. So if we want Jimmy to come, and I know we all do, let’s keep this clean and sober. I need to get his trust back and have explicitly told him in my numerous invitations that he has nothing to worry about.

3) Please don’t come to this to mock me. I’ve only just recently stopped talking to my therapist about last year’s attack by teenagers with urine-filled water balloons. Lets be adults about this. Dr Rosenberg says there is room in our hearts for both Jimmy and ourselves.

4) Please do not ask me to “mix it up” with a Billy Joel song once in a while. I love me some ‘Big Shot’ just as much as the next man, but not today. I am also aware of the incredibly high singalong-ability of ‘Piano Man,’ but we need to resist temptation. Sure we were all impressed that Gerald knew all the words to ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire,’ but we can hear that another time.

5) No instruments allowed. This is a SING-along, not a play along. Jimmy leads us on a journey and we follow him with our hearts and minds and voices. Not to mention any acoustic guitar playing runs the risk of making a mistake and actually taking enjoyment away from the song. Let’s just stick with the CD which we know will be flawless.

6) No pets allowed over 35 pounds.

7) Sailor caps are encouraged, but not mandatory.

8) There will be no designated crying tent this year. I didn’t have the money to rent one. Instead we have a crying square which is the chalk square in the drive way. Lets hope we don’t have to use it this year. Any tears of joy should be shed in the open anyway.

9) There is no parking available this year due to the driveway being designated as the crying square.

10) Can cozies for soda and non alcoholic beer must be on theme.

Well that’s all guys. I hope we have a great, rule-abiding Virgin Margaritaville this year!

Yours, and Jimmy’s

Rob Bertman