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January 29, 2013
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Eat this.

After years of reading fortune cookie fortunes, I’ve identified 2 types: those that go into my wallet because they say things like “You will become wealthy” or “You will inherit a lot of money;” and those that get tossed onto my plate of leftover sweet and sour pork because they say things like “You are friendly.” That’s not a fortune - that’s a fact. Given that fortunes are so positively predictable, I propose misfortunes. Imagine reading: “Crabs are in your future, but they won’t be coming from the sea.” It won’t cheer you up, but at least you’ll think twice before engaging in casual sex. What misfortunes would you create?

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