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June 26, 2017

Celebrate unlucky Frenchmen, doubting saints, ice cream lovers, Canadian singers, world population, tequila drinkers, crooked politicians, Nelson Mandela and friends with a MemoryTag greeting card.

Except for July 4 most people think the month of July has few holidays but that’s where you’re wrong, July has plenty of holidays besides shooting off firecrackers on the Fourth.

Canada Day is July 1 and celebrates Canada’s independence from England and if you know a Canadian send them a MemoryTag card and tell them how much you appreciate them—– for inflicting the singer Celine Dion on the world with her nasal, raspy pitch that makes it seem like she’s trying to loosen a phlegm ball.

We also recognize Canada for Canadians saying with their peculiar accent instead of “Out and about,” they say “Ooot and aboot,” and also for the two seasons Canadians have each year—–winter and “JULY.”

How about St. Thomas Day? Ever hear of that one? Held each July 3, St. Thomas Day is in honor of St. Thomas, a disciple of Jesus who doubted Jesus was the Son of God until Jesus proved it to him. Thomas had to see for himself with his own eyes that Jesus had rose from the dead and this is where we get the label, “Doubting Thomas.”

Even though he doubted Thomas became a saint anyway.

Thus, St. Thomas Day could also be said to be a kind of “National Cynic Day,” or Thomas could be said to biblically represent the state of Missouri, the “Show Me” State.

An early church text says that Thomas was the only witness to the “Assumption of Mary” into heaven and that as she went up to heaven she dropped her girdle (you don’t want to be caught in heaven wearing a girdle).

Do you have a friend who is a doubter? Send them a MemoryTag card and ask them to have faith.

World Population Day is held each year on July 11 to celebrate the earth having too many people. Don’t you love holidays where you don’t get the day off from work and the holiday is held to celebrate the end of the world from starvation and environmental destruction? Do you have a neighbor who you really don’t like? Send him a MemoryTag card on World Population Day telling him you wish his mother had practiced sexual abstinence. Please don’t sign the card. Keep it anonymous.

July 14 is Bastille Day in France celebrating the end of oppression commemorating a mob who in 1793 broke into a prison in Paris and later launched a revolution that killed millions more people and resulted in much more oppression than there was when the prison was in operation. Nothing has gone right for the French ever since. Know a Frenchman? Send him a MemoryTag consolation card sympathizing with him for being French.

July 16 is “National Ice Cream Day” and this one I don’t know—why do we need to celebrate heaven—ice cream in your mouth? Hardly nobody doesn’t like ice cream I mean we could also have a “National Good Sex Day;” I really like good sex and I’m not as (pardon the pun) “hot” on not good or cheap sex. I want it all year long, not just on one friggin’ day.

If you were a cruel person you could send a MemoryTag Happy National Ice Cream Day card to a diabetic.

The same applies if you sent a card celebrating National Cheesecake Day on July 30, National Hot Dog Day on July 19, and National Lasagna Day on July 29 to a person on a Weight Watcher’s program.

July 18 is National and Worldwide Nelson Mandela Day celebrating the struggle of an activist against slavery and apartheid but I would like to see this changed since we have so many crooks in Congress to, “Why Can’t You be More Like Nelson Mandela Day?” This would be more of an American holiday calling attention to the thieves and liars in government—-you know—the kind of person who would steal $50 off his mother’s bureau drawer while her back was turned and who nevertheless somehow got elected to office.

Send a MemoryTag card to your favorite misrepresenting crooked politician asking them if they’ve ever heard the words, “truth, virtue, integrity,honesty, humility, decency, humanity?”

July 23 is National Parents Day and July 24 is National Tequila Day and I would like to see these combined into a single day where you show your parents appreciation by getting them both drunk on tequila. It might also be possible to combine this one with Cinco de Mayo (May 5).

I’m going to ignore St. James Day (one Bible saint per month is enough) and National Hepatitis Day, (celebrating a vicious disease), and also World Day Against Trafficking in Persons on July 30 because I originally thought it meant to ride on someone’s back to get past a jam of backed-up cars on the freeway.

What about International Friendship Day on July 30? Everyone needs a friend. I have very few real ones. Maybe I could use a MemoryTag card to gain a new friend. Send someone a card and ask, “Will you be my friend?”

The worst they can say is “no.” It’s pretty simple if they do they’re not your friend. https://memorytag.cards/.