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March 24, 2017

If dinosaurs were smarter, maybe they would be alive today.

It is common knowledge that the dinosaurs were rendered extinct by a giant asteroid hitting the earth 65 million years ago. But far less common knowledge was that some survived the deadly impact only to be obliterated by their tiny brains alone. Here are some dinosaurs that would still be alive today if only they had critical thinking skills.


The fearsome Carnotaurus, which is science for “meat eating bull,” slipped and fell while running too fast.

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This aptly named Dryptosaurus used its arms and jaws as weapons in hunting and in tickle fights as asphyxia from laughing caused the other to die.


Nanshiungosaurus had 12 cervical vertebrae that it really liked cracking just like the guy in your high school theater class. It died from snapping its own spinal cord.


New evidence suggests that the mighty Velociraptor sported feathers and new, new evidence suggests that these Jurassic creatures choked on those feathers.


Surprisingly, the Stegosaurus’s second brain in its butt did not prevent this jigsaw puzzle of creation from dying by overdosing on plants.


This T. Rex died during the meteor blast because he was depressed. Petrified footprints clearly demonstrate that this terrible lizard actually ran towards the meteor.


The Pterodactyl thought it he would take a cool flight to visit the meteor impact site, but lit a fire, causing the dead, oil-filled dinosaurs to light up like Christmas trees.


This Plesiosauria was known to be able to hold its breath for a really long time and died by pretending he was drowning as a prank.


The deep sea Xiphactinus noticed his reflection in the water and kept backing up to get the right filter of sunlight, when a bigger fish swallowed him whole. A precursor to the “selfie” deaths of today.