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September 01, 2010

I've played the game "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" many times and I'm happy to report that I kick major ass and balls in this game. But the other day I was thinking, "You know, I think I COULD have sex with my cousin." But since whiskey dick set in, that was a no go. So I started thinking of something else: What if I were Kevin Bacon? What would I do in my spare time? What shirts would I wear? What mustard would I use? And most importantly, what would I say if I were Kevin Bacon. And then it came. And then I yelled at my dad for doing it so close to my face. But then I had an epiphany about what I would say if I were Kevin Bacon.

Things I Would Say if I were Kevin Bacon:

What I Would Say While Hitting on a Woman:

"Wanna wake up to a side of Bacon tomorrow?"

What I Would Say if I Got Way too High off of Marijuana:

"The Bacon's fried."

What I Would Say if I Were Pissed Off and Ready to Quit a Job:

"The Bacon is done!"

What I Would Say if I Were About to Impregnate a Woman:

"Looks like those eggs are about to get served with some Bacon!"

What I Would Say to Taunt the Jewish Community:
"You Jews don't know what you're missin'!"