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March 14, 2016
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Just like how they get every damn thing they want.

Sup millennials, this just in*: A recent poll shows that y'all want Obama to nominate a SCOTUS justice STAT!

  • 35% of young hip cool youths strongly agree a new justice should be named
  • 33% of the same v cool, v hip generation somewhat agrees Obama should fill the slot
  • 5% of the country’s laziest generation strongly disagrees that Obama has ANY business at all filling this SCOTUS seat.

Despite how you feel about the kids who all grew up getting participation trophies, there is one thing universally known about millennials and it’s that they get things handed to them. To be safe, I wouldn’t expect any different from this scenario.

These slimy little millennials are gonna have a new SCOTUS judge given to them with BARELY any protest. They won’t even have to leave their mom’s basement where they tweet on their computer watches about how unprofessional the Senate is. And voila! they’ll get a new judge, probably a millennial LIBERAL judge, too.

Back in the day you didn’t even HAVE judges on the court who represented you. A woman? A black person? Nope don’t even think about! And here we have millennials REQUESTING a SCOTUS judge like a holiday seasonal frappe from Starbucks. Jaysus Kristo!

Well, for what it’s worth I hope that we get a new SCOTUS judge soon, too, but not for any bullshit reason that young millennials selfishly want one.

*unless you’re a hipster millennial who is like “that’s OLD news, I knew abut that news HOURS AGO, ugh, get with it.” In which case, I guess we’re sorry?

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