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June 04, 2015

The truth will shock you to your core!

Jason Alexander recently revealed why his on-screen fiancée was killed off of Seinfeld, claiming that actress Heidi Swedberg was “hard to play off.” Once Jerry Seinfeld and Julia Louise-Dreyfus shared scenes with her, they agreed. Heidi’s character was killed off from licking poisoned invitation envelopes later in the season.


If you think that’s harsh, you won’t believe the real reasons these other famous co-stars were killed off.

The dog in I Am Legend
The death of Sam, Neville’s dog, rocked audiences. While her death appeared to be a necessary plot device, in reality, the dog was killed off because she was always shedding on Will Smith’s costume. “It was really frustrating because it was only after we wrapped that we found out what a lint roller was. Had we known about those little miracle wands earlier, we probably could have kept her in,” admitted the wardrobe stylist.

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Colonel Kurtz in Apocalypse Now
Colonel Kurtz’s death may seem inevitable as the proper moral outcome for the rogue Army captain. But new leaked letters from Francis Ford Coppola tell a different story: “Martin Sheen and I were talking one day and we were both like, “Do you ever get intimidated by how handsome Marlon Brando was when he was younger? We were like, uh oh, we think we might have a major crush on Brando! So, no homo but that guy has got to go.”


Bambi’s mom in Bambi
“She was incredibly hard to work with and really inappropriate,” a key animator remembers of Bambi’s mom in the classic Disney movie Bambi. “The movie was actually supposed to be about a nuclear family of deer that do wacky hijinx, sort of like National Lampoon’s Family Vacation. But then we had to kill her off because she was so sexually aggressive around the crew. Whispering things to me when no one was looking. No one believed me, either. Do you believe me?”


All those zombies in The Walking Dead
Do you ever just get weird vibes from an extra? Well, that times a thousand.

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Clay Morrow in Sons of Anarchy
This show is not based on the play Hamlet and none of the deaths can be explained with this logic. Every single character death was motivated by interpersonal quibbles among the cast over where to order lunch. Sorry, Ron Perlman, but when you suggest Crazy Rock’n Sushi every time, there are going to be consequences.


The entire show Dexter
Dexter was supposed to be a show about a mild mannered Miami police department blood spatter analyst, sort of like a reboot of Monk, but when Michael C Hall found out, he was like, “No way, I’m not a nerd!” and demanded that he get to murder literally all of the other characters so people wouldn’t think he was a headcase weirdo like mother-frigging Adrian Monk.


Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic
In retrospect, this one seems pretty obvious. As written in the script Jack is in fact never supposed to “let go.” But during filming, bad boy Leo accidentally threw back some Nyquil instead of Dayquil. Faced with a sleepy Leo on set, the director was forced to make the tough decision to just have Leo die. Fun fact: the crew actually forgot Leo’s body in the Atlantic!


Jason Alexander in Shallow Hal
Sure, he didn’t actually get killed off in this movie, but he had a tail, which is almost worse, right?

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