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March 09, 2011

These are politically correct reviews I've written for popular movies.

Chris Gay’s Politically Correct Movie Reviews

By Chris Gay

The Exorcist (1973)

The heartwarming story of a young woman’s journey to find peace by exorcising her inner demons through her impromptu relationship with God…Give or take.

The Godfather (1972)

A gripping saga detailing one immigrant’s rise from youthful poverty, through his somewhat aggressive quest to provide for his extended family during war torn, 1940’s America.

Forrest Gump (1994)

A lovable simpleton inadvertently finds himself in the middle of numerous situations of historical and political consequence, then afterward reiterates them to attentive passersby with such eloquence, it makes one realize he’s most likely too intelligent to get into politics himself.

Dirty Harry (1971)

The story of a lonely, yet kind-hearted San Francisco detective who generously donates the contents of his .44 Magnum to the chest cavities of the city’s most unrepentant criminals, as a creatively effective alternative to rehabilitation.

Halloween (1978)

The haunting tale of a misunderstood recluse who attempts to overcome his personal demons by returning to his hometown, in an ultimately tragic attempt to reconnect with his kin.

Independence Day (1996)

The highly precise plans for Earth’s domination by a group of sophisticated extra-terrestrials possessing high tech transportation and weaponry are derailed at the last second, by an inebriated moron portrayed by the same actor who played Cousin Eddie in Christmas Vacation.

Wall Street (1987)

Wall Street tycoon Gordon Gekko’s attempt to further add to his impressive, albeit questionably obtained fortune is derailed by The Man, who views Gekko’s law un-abiding initiatives in a rather different light then he does.

Silence Of The Lambs (1991)

A highly-educated professional resorts to the manipulation and cannibalism of those beneath him with such effectiveness, you may begin to wonder how he managed to avoid becoming a CEO in the private sector.

Back To The Future (1985)

A chronicle of the wacky time traveling misadventures between a wily, sarcastic teen and his sanity- divested scientific mentor with a penchant for static electricity-inspired hairstyles.