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August 10, 2016

After months of dancing around it, Donald Trump has given us Second Amendment People a direct and clear order!

After months, nay YEARS, of dancing around giving us a direct order of what he wants us to do–not to mention the endless “dog whistling,” “gas lighting,” and “smoke screaming” (made up?)—the one true leader who can make America Great Again, Donald Trump, has given us a direct order!

Yay! It truly is a proud day to be Second Amendment People!

And just as we hoped, Trump made the order super straightforward so that not even the dumbest among us (Wayne LaPierre!) could misinterpret: he wants us to use our guns (aka shoot them) against anyone who gets in the way of a Trump presidency. Specifically, anyone who wants to abolish (essentially abolish) the Second Amendment that we hold so dear. Hillary Clinton.

There’s simply no other way we, as the aforementioned Second Amendment People, could interpret what our fearless and clear minded leader just said. Finally, no more protesting, violently commenting on anti-trump articles, and waiting for our turn to vote. Trump wants action! From us! The Second Amendment People! Which means guns! Which often kill people!

And by the way, isn’t it great to have a presidential candidate finally refer to us as a group separate from everyone else in America, even himself? Because that’s what we are: a contained, organized group of crazed individuals who demand to own guns, no questions asked, because that’s what the Second Amendment says, no other interpretation.

Everyone else in America, aka “non-Second Amendment People,” are both separate from us without overlap AND desperately thirsty to take our rights away. We are scared of these “others” because they want one thing in their life and that’s to abolish what we hold most, and singularly, dear: Second Amendment.

It would be a different story if there were some people who just want to temper access to certain types of guns and/or people who firmly believe in the right to own guns but want to enact a stronger screening process and shut loopholes for people who should not legally be allowed to own guns, and/or others who simply want to research gun violence and it’s connection to our current gun laws. But that’s not reality!

We are Second Amendment People and we must take action. Master Trump has called on us!

And I know what some people are saying: there’s no way a presidential candidate would ask us to kill a rival with our guns. To that I say: you gotta be nuts! What kind of biased, skewed LIBERAL main-SCREAM media are you watching?! Did you hear his words?

What the heck else would he call on Second Amendment People to do? What is the one thing that’s different about us? Guns. What do guns do? Shoot. Shoot what? Pretty much anything. What do we want to shoot? Whatever our one true leader tells us is threatening our freedom. What did he tell us to do? Stop Hillary Clinton from being President. Ipso facto: use our guns (aka shoot them) to stop (aka at) the person (aka Hillary Clinton) who wants to abolish (essentially abolish) the Second Amendment! Think McFly!

I honestly think that everyone who doesn’t agree with us is a stupid monster. Anyway, I gotta go polish off my gun because who knows what Trump will command us Second Amendment People to do next.

Pretty sure it will involve shooting women and minorities…