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September 09, 2014
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From: blugal@cougarplanets.com

A Series of Emails where the Earth breaks up with the Moon

From: Earth [bluegal@cougarplanets.com]
Sent: Wednesday, March 6, 2013 10:24 AM
To: Moon [dustyboi@moderator.xtremerazorscooterforum.net]
Subject: future…

Hi Moon

I’m not sure how to do this. I know we have quite the history. Going back what? Billions of years? Sure feels that way to me… And I know you were with me through the tough times — the ice ages, the black plague, the break up of Wham! As well as some of the better ones- the dinosaurs, the renaissance, It’s Pat: The Movie. But I just can’t do it anymore. You’re always there. I need some space. The universe doesn’t revolve around me, and you just can’t seem to get that through your head. Sure I did the Mother Earth thing for a while, and it was great, but the continents are grown up now. They can be on their own. I need some ‘me’ time. I hope you understand.

With Love

Earth

From: Moon [dustyboi@moderator.xtremerazorscooterforum.net]
Sent: Wednesday, March 6, 2013 10:42 AM
To: Earth [bluegal@cougarplanets.com]
Subject: [RE] future…

Dearest Earth

I don’t think you’ve thought this through. Do you realize what this would mean?? I don’t know where I would be without you. You’re my whole world. Ya know, without you I’d probably just float off and hook up with whatever comes by next. I know it’s not what I should do, but I can’t stop it. You know I can’t stand being alone for very long. It’ll be like that time in college when I experimented with Uranus after I took ecstasy. Please don’t send me on that path again.

With my deepest love and devotion

Moon

From: Earth [bluegal@cougarplanets.com]
Sent: Wednesday, March 6, 2013 10:57 AM
To: Moon [dustyboi@moderator.xtremerazorscooterforum.net]
Subject: [RE] [RE] future…

Moon

You’re really making this harder than it needs to be. And acting all depressed like that is never the way to get someone back. Frankly I’m just tired of your little existence. It’s done. I’m sorry.

Earth

From: Moon [dustyboi@moderator.xtremerazorscooterforum.net]
Sent: Wednesday, March 6, 2013 11:11 AM
To: Earth [bluegal@cougarplanets.com]
Subject: BITCH

Little? Little?? OK, I knew it. I knew that was a part of it. So I’m smaller than you. Well ever hear the stereotype about the little guy with the fat chick? Cause you’re no slim asteroid yourself

Moon

From: Earth [bluegal@cougarplanets.com]
Sent: Wednesday, March 6, 2013 11:26 AM
To: Moon [dustyboi@moderator.xtremerazorscooterforum.net]
Subject: [RE] BITCH

Moon

You know that’s not what I meant by little. But, fine, I admit it. Your size has become tiresome. I put up with it for a long time, but frankly I’m sick of it. And it’s really not the main issue here. I do things. I’ve developed life and societies. I have a career. You just sit there being gray, dry, and cold following me around while I’m a part of these miraculous things. And who are you calling fat? There are plenty of planets that would love to be with me. Ever wonder why we’ve been so close to Mars this whole time? That’s right. I’m dating a red planet and I don’t care what you or my parents think. He’s sweet and cares about me and knows how to dance. And he’s a lot bigger than you.

Earth

From: Moon [dustyboi@moderator.xtremerazorscooterforum.net]
Sent: Wednesday, March 6, 2013 12:04 AM
To: Moon Earth [bluegal@cougarplanets.com]
Subject: [RE][RE] BITCH

Earth, go do what you think you need to do. But know you’re not the same planet I met square dancing at the big bang formal all those years ago. GOD. This is harder to end than a sketch on SNL. I’m going to be staying with some of the gaseous planets. I’ll swing by and get my things at some point. I’ll always love you.

Moon

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