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December 03, 2011


I posted this one to our league message board the day after Bob Costas had that disturbing phone interview with Sandusky on NBC's Rock Center. I don't know why Sandusky's lawyer would allow him to speak with Costas...other than the fact that he knows his client is fucked and is just trying to squeeze as much money out of the sick bastard as possible.

As I'm sure you've noticed, I tend to cover my own team's news very favorably.  I treat the relationship like ESPN does with EVERY FUCKING PROFESSIONAL SPORTS TEAM IN THE ATLANTIC EAST COAST.

In this post I finally gave a name to the scandal that the Jack D Rocks owner started: CorpseBootygate. This rumor clearly seemed like one that was going to stick with Drew Brees and the Bastard Mutants for the entire season, so it was time to give it a clean and informative title.

In the article I also briefly mentioned Tim Tebow and his ability to lead the Denver Broncos to victory despite completing only two passes. I really hope Tebow gets exposed before this season is done with so I can stop hearing about this Tebow Time bullshit.  Or do I?


Professional Blues = me (Fox)

my ninjas = black

Jack D Rocks = brown

Legion of Doom = blue

RamRods = red

Bastard Mutants = orange

T. Green? = green

AK-47 = Adam (only met him a few times and have no idea what his last name is)

CANT WAIT = turquoise

Bruce Blingstein = gray (*automatic win*)








FaNasty News Wrap-Up (Week 10)

Tuesday,11/15 2:30PM - Bob Costas said, "..and he heard a rhythmic slap-slap-slapping." WOW. This is insanely disgusting, and Sandusky's appearance and voice perfectly fit the allegations. You ever notice that he sounds exactly like the villain/hero from the Saw movies? BREAKING NEWS: THREE WEEKS REMAINING IN THE REGULAR SEASON! Anyway, we said that this weekend's results would paint a clearer picture of the league's makeup; but to be honest, it made things even blurrier. Shit, even the Legion lost...by 40 points. Injuries are beginning to loom over league teams; and no J*** (RamRods owner C******), you will not be able to trade Matt Schaub to M*** L*** for any of his quarterbacks. Either make a trade with an active team owner, find a free agent, or deal with it. Speaking of J***, we received a statement from Bastard Mutants owner D** S***** just minutes after releasing our Week 10 ATL segment last Friday. In it, S***** claimed that RamRods owner C****** offered him receiver Wes Welker and running back DeAngelo Williams in return for receiver Dez Bryant and running back Ray Rice. While Welker would be better than Bryant, we can just go ahead and call those two a wash. So now we're looking at Ray Rice for DeAngelo Williams. J***, I really think you only submit these proposals with the hopes that someone might accidentally click the 'accept trade' button. At least you're not afraid to clearly show how desperate you are. And now, the results.

MY NINJAS-W (5-5) -- *AUTOMATIC WIN*   (MN:149pts.)
While D** O******** and my ninjas avoided injuries during their *automatic win* week, nothing really changed. They scored about 150 points, which would not be enough points to win against any mediocre opponent. Of course Aaron Rodgers produced, but what else is new. The ninjas are .500 and need to come up with more production across the board if they want to move back into the playoff hunt. Is kicker John Kasay the answer? No, he's a fucking kicker. But he did amass 17 points Sunday, so good work buddy. O******** has just three more weeks to get back into that sixth and final playoff spot, but I am just not so sure I see that happening (only said 'not so sure' to make him feel less bad).

CANT WAIT-W (5-5) v. PROFESSIONAL BLUES (6-4)   (CW:181pts. - PB:137pts.)
CANT WAIT owner E***** S****** needed his quarterback Tony Romo to show up this weekend in order to give his team a chance to win against the streaking PB Squad. Turns out his entire team showed up. Romo shined and the defense wreaked havoc for S******'s club, leading to a much-needed victory. Jimmy "Give Me Your Fucking Lunch Money" Graham was back to work and continues to be a top-contributor for the team. We took a look at CANT WAIT with a little more attention this weekend, and they could be starting to gain momentum at the perfect time. Fox's P Blues, on the other hand, seemed to revert back to their week one form when these teams first met. Quarterbacks Matt "Why Am I Even On Your Team?" Cassel and Mike "Seriously?" Vick did absolutely nothing for their team, and they weren't the only ones. Vincent Jackson, Darren Sproles, and Anquan Boldin all managed to play like fucking horse shit on the same day. This loss ends the PB Squad's winning streak, but I don't think it's time to panic...yet. Fitzmagic has been more like "Fitztragic" lately, and Vick cracked a few ribs over the weekend; so we may be hearing about some PB roster changes come this week's ATL.

AK-47-W (5-5) v. RAMRODS-L (4-6)   (AK:189pts. - RR:135pts.)
The RamRods have struggled to find an identity all year, and getting stomped by an opponent they used to look down on may have ended the search for good. Quarterback Jay Cutler appeared to take the day off when it came to point production, and the rest of the RamRods seemed to match the signal-caller's effort. Marshawn Lynch was the only positive for C******, so I think that goes to show how fucked they were. As eighth place and a 4-6 record couldn't look any worse, reports out of the RamRods camp yesterday announced that quarterback Matt Schaub will be out for the remainder of the season with a foot injury. I wonder if C****** tried to propose every owner in the league a trade involving Schaub. ATTENTION LEAGUE OWNERS: DON'T DO IT! Poor C******. The media was just starting to like the guy. But the media only likes winners, so expect drastic and immediate love-loss here. Adam could very well be taking J***'s media spotlight, and boy does he deserve it. I feel like a broken record, but Arian "Fucking" Foster once again led the way for the AK-47 club in yet another victory. St. Timothy "Two Will Do" Tebow still miraculously managed to accrue fantasy points, and receivers Laurent Robinson and Larry "Fuck Yo Couch" Fitzgerald played lights out. We saw some strategic roster adjustments here from Adam, and it appears he and his ball club have hit their stride and are just having some fun out there. AK-47 is right in the playoff hunt, and they could be a very scary five or six seed come December.

T. GREEN?-W (6-4) v. JACK D ROCKS-L (3-7)   (TG:155pts. - JDR:129pts.)
Since running into teams playing their best earlier in the season, T. Green? owner T** P****** must feel pretty good gathering some wins against shitty teams as of late. Tight end Rob Gronkowski dominated and the defense impressed as T. Green? racked up another win, moving into third place in the league. S** C******* and the lowly Jack D Rocks team are starting to feel the effects of losing. In the past, their team would lose close matchups and put up very good fights; but this week, they seemed to have accepted their fate. Their fate, or reality, is that they are a strong defensive team with a wildly inconsistent offense that will not be playing after the first week of December. If you didn't get a chance to look at the point production from his running backs this weekend, don't bother. Trust me when I say it is not worth checking out. Speaking of checking out, I think at this point in the season, C******* needs to end on some kind of winning streak to give the league a better feeling about his ownership status in the league for the 2012 season. S** has long been fighting to include himself in the class of the Foxes, S*****s, J****s, and P******s of the league (funny, they are the top four teams in the rankings right now); but this year so far has shown that he has ways to go before joining that elite FaNasty club.

BASTARD MUTANTS-W (7-3) v. LEGION OF DOOM-L (8-2)   (BM:208pts. - LoD:166pts.)
Bastard Mutants owner D** S***** needed his team to play big this week to walk away with a victory, but I'm sure even he didn't see this one coming. S*****'s Mutants got contributions from literally every fucking player on his team in a mesmerizing 200+ point performance. Call me crazy, but CorpseBootygate may have really lit a fire under this team. S***** clearly saves his best gameplanning and production for the important weeks, and it all came together perfectly this weekend. Legion of Doom owner B** J**** surely cannot enjoy having suffered both (and only) losses to the same opponent, but it's not all downhill from here. Aside from wideout Calvin "Megatron" Johnson getting his face fucked by Julius Peppers on Sunday in Chicago, the offense played pretty solid. Even the defense played well, but they didn't play spectacular. In this weekend's matchup, J**** needed spectacular performances from every single member of his team to come even close to winning. I still think his one seed and first round bye are a lock, so there should be no worries in the Legion locker room following the loss to a team that clearly deserved to win this weekend.


-AKvJDR (Adam looking to continue his ascension in the league standings while S** simply looks to save face.)
-TGvCW (Huge matchup for both teams as they fight for playoff seeding.)
-PBvLoD (Fox may need to use this week for experimentation while J**** looks to get right back on track.)
-MNvRR (An O******** win would surely crush C******'s RamRods and also still, somehow, keep my ninjas in the hunt.)
-BM: *automatic win* (This is almost the perfect reward for a sensational week 10 performance.)

-FaNasty News