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August 04, 2009


As someone who works in the food industry, I have learned something important. Working there has made me hate everybody. Well hate is a really strong word, i much prefer a weaker word like annoy. Yes ladies and gents, i am annoyed at everything, everyone and every hybrid (thing is non living, one is living so hybrid is a cross between the non living and the living like my penis. It's dead most of the time except at crucial moments but i am digressing).

I understand that we are there to provide you with a service but you have to understand we are not prostitutes, trying to suck up every dollar you have to offer. Yes you want coffee, yes you want a sandwich, and yes I am suppose to smile, cook, make and give you the things you desire from our menu. It's not like I wake up everyday, trudging through endless traffic to reach my job of destination, putting on a fake smile with the intent to hurt, maim and destroy the lifeless meat products lying around and turn them into something edible like potato chips and instant coffee. Do not make us grovel at your feet, hoping that your hard earned cash will be spent on one of our titillating waitresses dress up like some kind of porn star starring in a fantasy porn video with our managers watching over us like pimps with their hands and baby powder ready to give us a good smacking. No, we don't. We are humans like you. We wish for the same things as you do. We laugh, we cry (over spilled milk), we rejoice (at our tip money) and we hate the same things as you do like polar bears (why can't we just called them winter bears). We also wanted to be treated with respect and dignity. If you give us what we desire, what we crave for and you in turn will get the same from us. Dignity and respect and a cup of coffee with no spit in it.

I have maybe worked in the industry for around 3 years and i have met a lot of douche bags. It is these people that made us hate. Try not to but it's hard when someone is trying to steal our tip money without us looking and taking a dump at one of our fine tables ( I will go further into detail on that one depending on how i feel, I feel good). Yes I have nearly been smashed over the head countless times. It doesn't help that our establishment is open 24 hours and is next to a bar. It is not your fault that we are angry and have grown to resent every douche bags that walk through that door. And i especially is annoyed with that little tinker bell that alert us when another douche comes in. I also am annoyed with that machine that spits out orders, orders to take it up the butt (we get absolutely raped around dinnertime). Since i work in a 24 hour restaurant, it does not give us an ample amount of time to clean and restock since every few minutes is spent on some douche bag who comes around 2 in the morning on a WORKDAY and ordering nothing but a glass of water and saying he *enjoys* the atmosphere. Douche bag... Needless to say I felt the urge to serve him my urine and maybe one of the waitress's period (like white wine and red wine). But I did not. I brought him his glass of pure untainted tap water. And as I put his glass down, I bend over and let him have a 1, 2. Now that's service. I did not enjoy it, I just did my job.

So please everyone, do not hate your humble food service personnel. We do try our best and even though our best may not be enough for some of you (cause your sexual appetite is too large and you're a pervert), just be glad it's not our worst. We are grateful for your money because that's how I could afford rent and other necessities such as food and my daily trips to the casino. I thank you from the bottom of my butt. Thank you. And let's stop the hate and I'll stop with the annoy.