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Published February 22, 2013 More Info »
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Published February 22, 2013
In an earlier, much smaller ceremony, The Academy handed out 30 additional awards. You won’t see these on television or read about them on the Oscar website. But they deserve to be honored just the same; if you see these WINNERS, give them an “Oscar” of your own (HJ). Most Animals Harmed While Filming WINNER: “Air Bud: Murderous Rampage” Best Merkin WINNER: Ben Affleck, “Argo” Largest Chin Putty Budget WINNER: “Looper” Best Documentary Feature WINNER: “Can I Borrow Your Phone Charger?” Best Use Of Webcam WINNER: “Untiled Michael Moore Project” Longest Credits Sequence WINNER: “Translated Into Dozens Of Languages And Then Shot In Multiple Locations” Best Redacted Screenplay WINNER: “[redacted]” Best Performance By A Pie In A Leading Role WINNER: “Life Of Pi” Best Performance By A Pie In A Supporting Role WINNER: “American Reunion” Best Product Placement WINNER: “Mountain Dew KickStart Presents: Beasts Of The Southern Wild” Best Video Game Film Adaptation WINNER: “Battleship: The Movie: The Game: The Movie” Most Gratuitous Uses Of The N-Word WINNER: “Amour” Best Text Message Received During A Film WINNER: “u up?”, “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” midnight screening Best Oscar Ballot WINNER: Jack Nicholson, goof ballot Best Use Of Technology WINNER: “Page Me Or My Husband If The Kids Act Up, Even If It’s In The Middle Of Our Laser Tag Game, And I’ll Call You Back From My Car Phone. Tubular?” Best Sex WINNER: “Women” Best Animated Motivational Speech WINNER: “JFK: 3D” Sickest Ollie WINNER: “Wear A Helmet: Safety In Skateboarding” Shakiest Karaoke Performances WINNER: “Les Misérables” Best Grope WINNER: Man, “Brick By Brick: The Stop-Motion Lego Experience” Longest Acceptance Speech WINNER: “Start The Timer” Most Surprising Courtroom Verdict WINNER: Guilty, “Fresh Squeezed: The OJ Simpson Story” What’s In The Box? WINNER: “What’s In The Box?” Hunk Of The Year WINNER: Gabriel Iglesias, “Magic Mike” Oldest Old WINNER: Dolores Westbrook, “Homophobia” Best Actor-Turned-Musician WINNER: n/a Fifetime Achievement Award WINNER: Earl “The Fiefdom Of Fife” Rowlandstein If You Had Six Psychopaths, And You Added One Psychopath, How Many Psychopaths Would You Have? WINNER: “Seven Psychopaths” You Hang Up First WINNER: “No, YOU Hang Up First” Best Film Of 2014, Based On Anticipation Alone WINNER: “Arrested Development”  
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