The 15 Worst Music Videos Ever
By
Joshua Proctor

The day of the music videos might be over. Some say that’s pretty sad. Well after watching this list you might change your mind. I think I have found the worst music videos ever. I feel the need to point out that just cause I put a video on this list doesn’t mean I hate the song or the band,it’s just that the music video is so god awful that it makes me wish I was blind or deaf or both! So let’s get to it.

Boney M: Daddy Cool
Where to start with this one? Is it the great dance moves? It looks like Boney M might be dying on stage. The background singers might steal the show when they all switch mics at the same time!!! Was that magic!? My favorite part is the shot of the crowd who were questioning their lives on what in the hell they were seeing. I hope it was a free taping by the way. Also what show was this?! Who in the hell canceled that they had to ask this man to go on tv on what had to be their first and last episode. So enjoy!

J.R. Moore: Country Cat
I know this is a Meow Mix ad or whatever and I’m a cat lover however I don’t think humans should have a date night with cats.(Unless it’s the chick from Batman) The song is about a cowboy who works all day just to get home to his pussy. The video is awful and it should be under the beastialty section of Pornhub.Which I’m not sure they even have……I never ever been there…….please don’t check my Google search history just take my word for it. But by far the worst part of the whole thing is the lyric “We’re going Meow Mix it up tonight” Just cause you know that Mr.Moore was so happy himself for writing that. “God speaks thru me” I’m sure he said. Please don’t become the anti Michael Vick after watching this crap.

Stitches: Brick In Yo Face
There are not many things that would make me say “Man I miss MGK” but Mr.Stitches is one of them. This classic is about Stitches giving you that brick of coke that you asked for. The video brings up many questions like why does he have a A.K tattoo on his mouth? Which he does answer in the video. It’s cause he likes them. Also why does he even sell blow? I mean he is a “big time” rapper right? Well that’s a easy answer he sells blow cause HE LOVES SELLING BLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Fun side note look out for the cameo by Hellraiser

Prince:Batdance
The video is 7 minutes of eye cancer. I’m not 100% on the history of why this was made but who ever give this a green light should have be killed. I did you all a favor by finding a video that the song got replace. Which makes this a lot more easy to watch.

Village People: Sex Over The Phone
We all know Y.M.C.A and In The Navy but Sex Over The Phone might be your new good to V.People song!!!! I mean the song itself is catchy like some type of STD but the video is so bad that it makes feel the need for a shower after.
The song is about phone sex that goes without saying but I don’t think anyone wants to see any of these dudes waiting to get off. Also is this before everyone “found out"cause if so it couldn’t have been much of a shock after watching this.
Be on the look out for that sweet 80’s cell phone. Man Alive!!!!!!! That thing was huge. Makes me wonder if they had second song named Sex With A Phone.

David Hasselhoff: Hooked on a Feeling
Hooked on a Feeling is one of my all-time favorites. I got like 5 covers of it on my Zune like I’m sure you all do. I got 0 problems with Mr.Knight’s cover but I feel like he made this video in under 20 minutes. “ok Mr.Hasselhoff have any ideas for the video?”
“All I need is a green screen and five minutes…….and also can my dog be in it at some random point?”
The sad part is how he knew what he was making was shit and it still made him $100 million in whatever those Nazis call their money.

COREY FELDMAN : DUH!
Why is Corey Feldman’s DUH! on this list………………..well Duh!

David Bowie & Mick Jagger: Dancing In The Street
A must watch! David Bowie rocking his onesie alone puts this video in the top 10. To the naked eye it really looks like these 2 were having some great times! Only if the viewers had the same mind altering drugs they had.

Shy Glizzy: Awwsome
Shy Glizzy picked the wrong name for this video. I’m curious on who’s home and cars did he steal to film this video on what looks like a Tracfone camera. If you can make it to the 2:20 mark in this video make sure to listen for one of the greatest lyrics ever written “Baby I’m a stunner just like Stone Cold Steve Austin” YOOOOOOOO SHY THAT WAS AWWSOME!

U2: Numb
50 Shades of U2! You know Bono tricked Edge into acting out one of his sex fantasies with this video. “Oh yea you can sing on a song on the album dude! Hell we can even make a video for it!”

The Beach Boys: Kokomo
Yoooooooo! Great f'n song! The dude from Full House is rocking out on the drums in the back.I think it’s Joey. He’s rocking out so hard that at some points he’s playing but you can’t hear any drums. I didn’t even know that this song was on the classic movie Cocktail’s soundtrack! The video fits great with that movie cause it looks like whoever made this was drunk off their ass.
*Fun Fact: The Beach Boys are still playing but they change their name to The Beach Whales………cause they’re fat! #pun

Jon Bon Jovi: Bed Of Roses
The song is great! The video……….not so much. I can see how it went down.
“Ok Mr.Jovi I was thinking a easy video of you just singing the song in the studio.”
“Oh yea sounds great………but lets start off with a dude playing a guitar on top of a mountain! and throw in some sweet stock footage…..and then make the video turn black and white for no reason and then us just hanging out……and then back to that mountain rocker…………..and then singing in like someone’s dream or some shit……..and THEN FIREWORKS!!!!!!!”

Fly Young Red: Throw That Boy-P*ssy
………………………..I don’t think I need to say much.

Michael Jackson and Eddie Murphy: What’s Up With You ?
Eddie Murphy kills it in this video by doing his best Stevie Wonder. Also Stevie Wonder must have put this video together while he was doing a lot of LSD.
How much money did Eddie need that day? I guess Metro didn’t do as well as he thought it would. The video makes me want to yell “Nothing is fucking up! What’s wrong with you?!” I think Michael may have drink the “special” he gave all of his young guest before writing this shit.

Eddie Murphy: Party All The Time
Mr.Murphy again! The man is great what can I say? The best part of this video is how real it is. Cause I really do think Eddie just walked in and just started singing.
I feel like Rick James being in control on anything in your life is never a good sign of something ending well. It sucks his girl didn’t like to help produce all the time cause I’m sure she (she was probably a she-male by the way) could have done a much better job than Mr.Coke himself.
This was at the highest point of his career……..I wonder why he wanted to jump so badly

Follow Joshua on Twitter @todajets

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