Before people decide to have babies they should have a nice, long discussion about how they intend to raise their children.
How pretty do you intend to make your baby? It's a simple question.
Is it going to be cute? Pretty? Do you intend to make your baby hot? There's all sorts of possibilities - use your imagination. Don't just mail it in. Your baby's appearence is very important.
If you're at a loss on how to do this, do not fret. Here are some scientific methods on how to make your baby presentable inside and outside of the vagina:
- Eat foods that attractive people eat. If you dont' know what these are, pick up a People magainze or US Weekly. These foods tend to be bottled water, Starbucks, and anything at an Absolut-sponsored Hollywood bash.
- While still inside the lady, the baby doesn't do anything but get fatter. Try and jump around to move it's lazy ass.
- Ultrasounds are pictures of your baby inside the vagina. Get a lot of them done so they get used to being on camera. This will make them more photogenic when they get out.
- Start a MySpace page for your baby and get as many friends as you can. People tend to think the more popular you are, the prettier you are.
- Model your baby after stylish celebrities. If it's a boy, have your baby go shirtless and photograph him cycling with Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong. If it's a girl, shave her head and give her an umbrella. Also take away her two children.
- Baby botox. Get ahead of the wrinkles before they get a-HEAD of you!
- Tatoos. Remember, you don't need to be "cookie-cutter" and make your baby look like "mainstream" stars. Be an individual and make your baby look like a gangsta with a heart of gold or perhaps a fun-loving, zest-for-life rocker. Give your baby a teardrop tattoo on his cheek, perhaps.
- Hide your babie's diaper. It's not fun to see on Nanna and it's not fun to see on your baby. Perhaps a nice thong.
- Photograph your baby with uglier babies. This will make him/her look good and it will make the ugly babies feel good because they're around someone good looking.
- If nothing can be done, use a mask.
The list can go on and on! So my advice to you is this - when you see an ugly baby wandering around the street, pick that baby up and yell at the parents. Then hand them some eyeliner and give the baby a perm. I think we'll ALL thank you for it later.