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23 Funny Votes
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Published October 26, 2011

Local man Jeff Clements is sick and tired of having to lie next to Samuel Hoffman in the chemotherapy ward of Margaret Hospital as his visiting family showers him with words of praise and the overused term of "hero".  Clements states that if Hoffman's family knew he cries like an infant every time he gets pricked with a needle, they would consider the word “pussy” a more appropriate term.   

Clements claims there isn't a moment in the day when Hoffman isn't crying or sulking to gain the sympathy of nurses and other patients. "Whenever his IV gets changed this guy screams bloody murder.  Half the children in here get more invasive treatments than Hoffman and you don't hear a peep out of them.  Calling him a hero is a smack in the face to the real heroes in here." Clements continued to say that a more appropriate term for Hoffman is pussy, not hero. "This guy is definitely the biggest pussy in here.  He's only got stage one Hodgkin’s lymphoma but acts like he has something more serious like acute lymphoblastic leukemia or brain cancer just for the attention."

Clements has initiated the process to have himself moved to a bed away from Hoffman so that he can concentrate less on hating him and more on getting better. "Right now I'm so focused on hating this guy that my cancer may actually be getting worse.  If there’s one thing I hate more than cancer it’s a drama queen.”

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