Summer is upon us! While you may be stuck wearing a sweater in a sterile, excessively air-conditioned office, there’s no reason to believe that “sun’s out, fun’s out (of the question).” Here are some tasty cocktails to help you beat the heat:
A Mint Julep is the ultimate refreshing summer beverage. Since you don’t have time to leave your desk for lunch, the mint leaves can help get some much-needed nutrients into your aching belly. Plus, the fiber will keep your bowel movements regular, which means you’ll have more time to look for a new job while sitting on the toilet!
Busy season is coming up, which means you’ll be catching a sunrise or two at the office. Ordering this little slice of heaven at happy hour will help you forget the previous twelve hours of hell. Plus, some studies say tequila is the only alcohol that’s an upper. And you can sure use an upper right now!
A classic summer happy hour drink that will hopefully make an impression on your boss Tom, who’s refused to give you a raise for three years straight. When life gives you lemons, squeeze those lemons tightly (like the government squeezes 6 different taxes out of your meager paycheck) into a thirst-quenching Tom Collins!
One sip and you’ll be transported to a beach in the Caribbean, far, far away. Don’t get too excited though, you can’t go on vacation anytime soon. You already used all your days off when you got Hepatitis A from trying that half-eaten cake left out in the pantry. But hey, who needs the beach when a Mai Tai can bring the beach to you!
Hey, remember when the entire office forgot it was your birthday? All day you were dreading a surprise party that never came. Not that you care, these aren’t your real friends - but then again, you do spend ~60 hours a week with them. Come to think of it, most people around the office call you “buddy” or “dude”. Do they even know your name? Anyway, try a Strawberry Margarita.
An excellent jumpstart to a sweltering hot day. Did you know drinking tomato juice can extend your life expectancy up to 3 years? That’s another 3 years in the workforce before you can retire. At least you’ll get to enjoy the bonus during your twilight years, while relaxing in a fabulous Fort Lauderdale-area retirement condo, reminiscing about the good old days when your friends and family were still alive.
An American classic. Don Draper’s drink of choice. He liked his job, right? He didn’t have to worry about creating “cross-platform synergistic KPI's” or “holistic campaign measurement decks”. But he was just a fictional character. Don’t you wish you were a fictional character? That you were the unexpected hero of some tv show, destined for something greater than this cubicle?
Make sure to throw in an orange peel for an added citrus burst!
You were fired for drinking on the job! The funny thing is, ever since you got canned, the urge to drink no longer pervades your every thought. Funny how that works. Make sure to stay hydrated while exploring your newfound freedom!