Non-Existent Headlines!

The following are headlines whose puns work in theory, however, they will sadly go to waste as none of these events ever happened nor will they ever happen. 

RICK WINS CAUCUS – HE SAN-TORUM A NEW ONE!

GINGRICH OR DIET TRYING!

SHEEN PERFORMANCE FINALLY HAS CHARLIE WINNING AN OSCAR!

DISEASE GONE – LOOKS LIKE JACKSON “BEAT IT”!

IT’S A SHORE THING – MICHAEL SORRENTINO FIXES “THE SITUATION” IN THE MIDDLE EAST!

AL  CA-PONES THE COMPETITION!

FERGIE WINS A NOBEL PEAS PRIZE!

TILA TO LINCOLN – I’M GOING TE-QUIL-A!

REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE RON PAUL TAPS COLIN FARRELL AS HIS “MIAMI VICE” PREZ!

PRESIDENT SELLECK MUSTACHE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT!

BASKETBALL PLAYER TURNED PRESIDENT TO SPEAK TONIGHT AT STATE OF THE UN-LIN!