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June 01, 2015

Our boss just offered us a 2 week paid vacation, but we need YOUR help to get it


I work in the public relations department here at SEGA America. My co-workers and me have been swamped with work for the past few weeks. We’ve had to do everything from relaying messages between the different departments, to going on coffee runs for the higher ups. Work usually picks up around this time of year, so it’s to be expected. Still, it’s been a truly grueling experience. Our boss saw how hard we were working, and he offered everyone in the office a two week paid vacation at the end of the summer video game season. Once he said this, we lost our shit. But then he put this condition on it: Our boss will give everyone a 2 weeks paid vacation if we can get hip hop powerhouse A$AP Rocky to come to his birthday party next week and offer his soul to him.

At first we immediately gave up on the vacation. However,after we heard that a group of students are on a fast track to having no final this summer because of an equally stupid bet, we gained our hope back. Now right now, you may have 3 big questions:

Why Does Your Boss Want A$AP Rocky to Come to His Birthday Party?

Our boss is notorious for getting things done at the last minute. For example, He had to go to his friend’s funeral earlier this year,but forgot to pickup a black suite to wear. So he frantically called everyone in the office to see if anybody had anything he could wear. Lucky for him, I had to go my dad’s funeral 3 days earlier… which reminded me that my friend Jeremy has a black suite he could wear. He got Jeremy’s black suite in time,and showed up to his friend’s funeral fashionably (and respectfully) late. This year, my boss wanted to throw a huge house party for his birthday, but he forgot to send out invitations for it. At this point, everyone already has plans. But if A$AP Rocky said he was going to come to my bosses party, everyone would drop their plans and come like moths to a party A$AP Rocky’s at. Besides,it’s A$AP Rocky. If he showed up to YOUR party then you’d lose your shit.Unless you’re not a fan of hip hop…

What About the Whole Taking His Soul Thing?

Our boss works as a soul collector to make a little extra money each week. As you all know (unless you’ve been living under a rock), as oul collector moderates the passing of souls between dimensions. They’re kind of like those guys who check cars into parking garages; only instead of cars,it’s souls. It might sound fancy, but it’s primarily a commission-based job,and the amount of money you make varies between each soul you process. My boss thinks that A$AP Rocky’s soul could be worth thousands, so he wants it. Just to clarify, he isn’t “taking” A$AP Rocky’s soul, just holding onto it until he dies. Besides, it’s A$AP Rocky. If you got the chance to hold on to his soul for him, you’d lose your shit. Unless you’re not a fan of hip hop…

Okay, but why A$AP Rocky?

Uhhh, have you heard his latest album? Shit goes hard son.

Getting A$AP Rocky to come to my bosses birthday party isn’t going to be easy, but this is where YOU come in. celebrities seem totally out of reach to the public, but thanks to social media, you can get pretty much anyone’s attention just by making enough noise on the internet. We need you to tell all of you’re friends and family that our Boss is trying to get A$AP Rocky to come to his party. Ask everyone you know to message A$AP, letting him know that if he could just show up to one little house party in Chicago and giveaway his soul, then he could get 17 overworked SEGA employees a 2 week paid vacation. Contact you’re local news stations, favorite radio programs, and even you’re favorite magazines, asking them to spread the word. If we make a big enough deal out of this, then I’m sure A$AP Rocky will come through and give up his soul. Why? Because that’s just the kind of rapper he is.

I think I speak for everyone here in the public relations department when I say that we need a break! In the working man’s world, you don’t get a 10 week vacation every year like you did back in school. Don’t get me wrong I love my job like working with my co-workers. But when you’re working non stop everyday, you don’t get to enjoy life! So please help us, we have a week, but I truly believe that if we put our minds together, we can get A$AP Rocky to come to my bosses house party and have his soul drained from his body.


Michael Deckard – Public Relations