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August 31, 2011

Eventually you are gonna come head to head with a man eating cyclops, but if you want to avoid this then here's something you can do

Lets face the facts. You’re in danger and aren’t doing anything to protect yourself. In danger of what you ask? just look right above this sentence. See, after watching the history channel special on Greek mythology for 3 hours straight, on the same day, in the same week, of the same month, I have discovered the very underappreciated fact that CYCLOPS ARE SCARY AS HELL. Being equipped with the low intelligence, a blatant disregard for human life, giant bodies, and poor health care plans makes Cyclops one of the deadliest forces on the planet Earth. To help you understand I’ve created this analogy

Cyclops are to Humans
Godzilla is to Tokyo

The main thing I’m getting at is quite simple. I don’t want you to make any changes to your life style, I don’t want you to understand today’s pop culture sensations. I just want you to know that you should live in fear. Live in fear of being attacked by a Cyclops.

And no not that cyclops
And no not that Cyclops

Or that Cyclops
Or that Cyclops.  . .

But chillax, dont go crazy just yet. lucky for you I have compiled a list of things you can do to prevent running into one of these walking beast. . . or get completely destroyed, it's really your call.

1. Upgrading your security system

2. Take a kick boxing class

3. Wear a eye patch

4. Watch gossip girl

5. Get more cyclops hunter friends

6. Dont wear cologne from North Africa

7. Dont refer to South Africa as " the other North Africa"

8. Eat an apple a day, it wont keep a cyclops from killing you but they are tasty

9. Own a rabbits foot

10. NEVER consume love potion

11. Ignore genie lamps

12. use anti-cyclops deodarent

13. carry a Broadsword wherever you go

14. A bow and arrow will work to

15. Have a strong hate for the Disney Channel

16. Free a slave child (must be Asian)

17. Gain the ability to transfrom into a cyclops

18. Be a democrat

19. Enjoy nice walks in swamps


21. EVER



24. Keep a safe distance away from cyclops owned businesses

25. Use the force

26. Stop showing off your monocle

27. Have a love for government cheese

28. Always have a pair of goggles on you

29. Dont sell out (for prices under $10)

30. Try not to be a witch (the magic kind)

31.Avoid women during their mentural period, Menstration attracts Cyclops

32. Be aware of your local Castles with moats

33. Be on the look out for greek gods

34. Don’t rock the boat

35. Don’t wear excessive amounts of gold

36. Keep a high profile

37. Have the ability to cook

38. Have a rebound chick (rebound dick if your a lady)

39. Enjoy Eating McGriddles

40. Don’t shave your head in front of paparazzi

41. Always Pull out

42. Brush up on your freestyle rapping skillz

43. Try not to use the phrase "Keep it fresh"

44. Keep it fresh

45. Keep 4 blueberry muffins in your stomach

46. Have super human strength

47. Have super human speed

48. have super human sight

49. Don’t be superman

50. When running around naked, bring an umbrella

51. Don’t piss off Cyclops

52. play dead in front of bears, sharks, and Cyclops

53. Hit home runs

54. Don’t freeze bananas

55. build a fence around your trailer

56. Stay Cool

57. Have the ability to swim at 1000 mph or below

58. Drink anti-Cyclops potion (apple juicy juice)

59. Don’t make a list about Cyclops

And thats abo-. . . O MY GOD HELP ME!!!!