THE MARKETING MAKEOVER
Its true that I spent hundreds of years in marketing, ok more like ten but hey that’s enough . And I think the only reason I became a freelance marketing advisor, is because I got tired of marketing a single brand over and over and over again. Well that and I was kind of fired for not ever coming to work. So as any inspired marketing expert without a contract, I will do what I do best and that is nothing till the money is right. So to prove my marketing prowess I decided to re-market homosexuality for the twenty-first century, making it more mainstream and all free of charge, just to prove my employability to prospected clients.
Lets do some talking points.
There appears to be a connect ability problem with the Label (Do it with your fingers.) “Lesbian”. I know its going to be hard and things aren’t going to change overnight but what we need here is a “Cause”. ( Quote in the air with your fingers, visualization is the key to the sale.) “Lesbianism” is just jumbled in with words like “Gay” or “Queer” and we need to separate that from things like the “Homosexual Man” in reference to the “Cause”. I don’t have to tell you what the stereotypical imagery is but I will to prove my point. Now the stereotypical imagery of the “Lesbian” isn’t ever the one of the cute college girl confused by her hormones, or the witty and funny stand up comedian.
Don’t get angry, be calm, I’m just saying, that’s a stereotypical persona attachment society often places on the “Lesbian” (don’t forget the fingers.)
The “CAUSE” is as follows.
“Lesbians” will no longer be referred to as “Lesbians” that’s not a “CAUSE worthy” description. “Lesbians” will be referred to from this day forward as “Vagi-tarians”. “Vagi-tarians” like “Vegetarians” have a commonality which is, neither like the sausage. You would ask a “vegetarian” if she would like some meat? And she would reply; “No thanks, I’m a “Vegetarian”’. If you ask a “Vagi-tarian” if she would like some vein throbbing slobber cock? She could simply reply; “No thanks I’m a Vagi-terian”. Simple social stigmata removed instantly.
The “Public Display of Affection”.
Whenever my girlfriend says; “ Did you see those “Vagi-tarians” kissing?” I can reply; “yes I saw them, kissing, kissing like two very naughty, naughty girls with very thinly clad breast fondling one another like nurses with lollypops.” My point is some things people just have to get over, so I suggest strong public displays of affection, often and aggressive.
The “Holy Union”.
This is the most difficult to resolve. At first it started out as couples getting Insurance from a company they worked for. It has morphed now into “civil union isn’t enough” so the objective is hard to understand.
The marketing approach I would take is called “Kidnapping the Pope.” (I had better not make the no fly list for that joke.) Without the Popes approval the church bus just wont roll. I suggest some nice flowers, and chocolate mints. Perhaps you could shop around some other Gods, I think the Dali Lama might be cool
I don’t know of course he’s a hard read. This is a stumper for me. I’ll have to get back with you on this.
This was just a small sample of my vast talents, I can solve any marketing issue in the world. All you need is a checkbook.