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August 08, 2010

Breaking in a new doctor sucks.

I went to see a new doctor the other day. They made me wait so long that by the time I saw him, I was sick with something else.


They made me fill in the paperwork twice. When they called me for my appointment, it was out of date.


They told me the doctor had to deal with an emergency. I said, not yet.


The nurse asked me if I smoked pot. I said sure. She says, “So you occasionally use marijuana?” I said, yeah, occasionally every hour.


I told the nurse I didn’t need my prescription for Viagra any longer. The expense made it hard on me.


Every time I move to a new town and get a new doctor, they always ask me the same questions. Are you on any medications? Do you have any allergies? Can you pay your bill?


The questions never end when you go to a doctor for the first time. Is there a history of heart disease in your family? Is there a history of cancer in your family. Can I put my fingers in your ass?

I told my doctor I didn’t want a rectal exam. He said, aren’t you worried about prostate cancer? I said, not as much as your fingernails.

I don’t go to female doctors any more. Last time I did, while she was examining my genitals, she said, Can I fuck you? I said sure. So she sent me to a specialist.