I was excited to hear that the International Olympic Committee would be adding four new events to the 2018 Winter Olympics in South Korea. What new sports would they create? Upon what exciting new displays of winter athleticism would I be able to feast my eyes? My inner obscure-sports fanatic was quivering with anticipation. Quivering.
Then I heard the events they chose: big air in snowboarding and freestyle skiing, mass start in speedskating, and mixed doubles in curling. What a snooze-fest! It’s just stuff we’ve already seen on the X-Games or boring variations on already-existing events. It would be like if God announced the creation of a new species then unveiled a short-necked giraffe. I’m completely underwhelmed.
Now if I were given the opportunity to create some exciting new Winter Olympics events from thin air, things would be different. Here are just a few I’d propose: