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It was the year 1980. It had been raining and storming for three months without stopping. Car accidents were at the highest rate since 1963. Job losses set a record peak, the highest since the Great Depression. Multitudes of people were dying of natural causes and nobody could understand why. Top scientists were baffled of the unprecedented events occurring all around them. It was this year, that Nick Jones was born.

The mother of Nick Jones was in labor for three days and was speaking in tongues for the last ten hours of the three days. And after the heinous labor, Nick Jones was brought into the world. At the exact moment of birth, the hospital was struck by lightning and had lost all power. It had only been a few minutes that Nick Jones was apart of this world. He was reaching with his left hand towards the lamp next to the bed where his mother was resting. This awesome power took over, and his mother could not ignore it, nor stop it. Nick Jones continued to reach towards the lamp until (with his mother’s help) he was able to reach the lamp. He had made contact with his first object of his life. He touched the light bulb in the lamp and suddenly all of the power had returned. All of the machines in the hospital were functioning accordingly. At the same moment, the rain had stopped. The sun was shining an awesome light that brought an end to the never ending storms. Stocks were on a rise. All of the people in the world, felt alive again.

No one ever was able to explain these events. How they came about, and why they ended so suddenly. Nick Jones is unable to remember anything before the age of nine.

The year is now 2010. Nick Jones is a successful movie producer, director and actor. He has was won awards for such films as; “If It’s Dead, Don’t Buy It,” “Undead Pimps of Chicago,” “You’re Eyes Tastes Better Cold” and the 2006 cult classic “Yellow Corn”. He has set records in track and field events, magazine reading, bathroom attendance, aerobics and usage of the word “true.”

He lives in St. Louis, MO. He is an avid citizen of community out reach and holds lectures on creative movie titles and how to feed your kids.

When asked what his greatest achievement is, Nick Jones just smiled elegantly and replied: “It would have to be the time that I was on a Wheaties box for eight consecutive years.”

Paparazzi have held conventions on how to cover this star but still have not figured out a way to get under his skin or even a decent picture.

Nick Jones is currently in New Zealand working on his next film simply called “The Best Fucking Movie Ever.” No other details of the film have been provided. Production is due to be finished in August. He will then return to the states for a book signing tour for his 98th book titled “I Created The Universe.” The tour will start in September and end in July of 2012. Nick Jones has made it a point to meet every single fan of his, no matter how long it takes.

Nick Jones never seems to stop surprising his fans and will continue to be the reigning superstar of his time. It has been a pleasure for myself to write this article on Nick Jones, for now I am a part of world history. I can now die gracefully and fulfilled with zeal.

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