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Published May 10, 2010
"Can I breathe now?"


- spase at 11:59:59 pm pdt Sun

First of all, thank you Paul for the shame-wrought honor of judging this weekend's ZombieFest.  Second, what the fuck is wrong with you people?  Third, thanks? people.  I have a new-found respect for Angelina Jolie's adoption sprees...

Seriously, though everything was truly hilarious and disturbing, and I think most of us are now required by law to notify our neighbors of our wretched comedic tendencies.

Just so you know, justice was blind, (I didn't know who was getting the medals nor the "Spasey" Awards until after I chose and/or dubbed them).  Amazingly I didn't have to adjust after the fact for multiple medals or for Paul winning, which is forbidden by unwritten Zombie Law.

So here it is, you've earned it....


Bronze
You know you're dating someone to young when you have to make the airplane noise to get a blow job - tnert


Silver
I don't know what he's gonna do next but he better hurry up and finish my dry cleaning. - BillyRoboto


Gold
KNOW HOW TO MAKE A BABY CRY TWICE?
WIPE YOUR DICK ON HER BUNNY WHEN YOUR DONE. - phukuhp


Here are the "Spasey" Awards, which as I mentioned were created and titled before I knew who's caps were who's....


One 'L' away from a medar:
I'm gonna rick her rittle rabias. - drwho

Word playing with yourself:
I am not going to give her a real tickle, I'm just gonna give her a test-tickle! - topper38

Some like it hot:
That's not how you check a child's temperature! - paulthezombie

Ouch?
Shhh. It's ok, I'm asian... She wont feel a thing. - BillyRoboto

Connect the dots...:
This one time at baby sitting camp... - Gerhardguffaw

Giggity:
"What did you get into last night Kioki Quagmire" - redwolfe420

Worst mental image:
Shhhhhhh! I just pulled it out and she is still farting! - topper38

Best mental image:
When everyone here gets to Hell look me up! Ill be in the hot tub with all the retards and unbaptized babies... - BillyRoboto

Tastes like happy!:
My bunny smells like sleeeeeeepyyyyy - JimmyTRetard

Too true for comfort:
You can literally buy anything from a Japanese vending machine. - westsideslant

It's not me, it's you:
Hey, any girl who wears a miniskirt that short is asking for it, ok? - Rotwang

Either very insightful and poignant, or "You ruined the second half of my life you little SLUT!"
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. - phukuhp

Limbo (as in "how low can you go" and also as in I think you can skip it and go straight to hell):
sorry but you have to share the credit/blame...
She's about to get some Pearl in her Harbor.  (blatantly influenced from WSS above. he can have the medal if this wins.) - Rotwang

Best way to sabotage Jay Leno's teleprompter, Anchorman style:
What's the difference between my baby and my girlfriend?
I don't kiss my girlfriend after sex.... ka-ching - phukuhp

National Lampoon's Asian Invasion:
"Dad, I think he's gonna pork her"
"He's not gonna pork her Russ"
- westsideslant

Relievingly anticlimactic Google Translation:
..."Ssshhh! No! Is ancient ??? secret...put saké in botter...sreep aaaawwww niiiite rong!" - csymonz

TMI:
This would be soooo hot, if she was just a little younger - ClayJunky

Thank you Dr. Obvious:
This is a scene in a very bad Japanese movie. - Rhiann0n

HBO presents The Daily Show-worthy:
Lawrence Taylor has an awesome agent. Good with math and knows how to keep his mouth shut. - redwolfe420

Seek help:
Cmon Dude, Just kill her and you wont have to be so quiet. You can always warm up the good parts with a curling iron - redwolfe420

Jesus was a black belt:
Hmmmmm...what would Ninja do? - jitterbug

Insult to injury:
She passes out every time someone says Hiroshima. - keibar

Fuck a "Little Boy" reference:
"You can say what you want, you fuckers! But I will fuck whatever I want to, and there's nothing you can do about it! Because tomorrow, on the 6th august 1945, I finally become head of all Yakuza families in Hiroshima, and I will be untouchable! Instant karma, do your worst! Ha ha ha ha!!!!" - lobizon

Sentenced to a dungeon with dragons:
The Code of the Samurai requires him to put his sword in her. - keibar

Self-induced self loathing ego massage with unhappy ending:
(thanks for the peewee refs, but I was holding out for a doozy... I know you are but what am I?)
She fucking wasted on Lobitussin! Now I dlaw cocks and swastikas on hel back with this Shalpee! What, you thought I was going put my Peewee in hel Prayhouse? Oh you sick mothulfuckuls, that just hollibre! - spase
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