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August 06, 2010

Let's face it people-the movie going experience has been, for lack of a better word, sucking. I mean sucking HARD. Remember JERSEY GIRL? Yea, sucking THAT hard. We can't sit back and expect 3-D movies to entertain our short attention spans forever. That is why there is a new, revolutionary filming experience in the making that would make James Cameron cream in his Avatar underoos. Get ready for FILMOGRAPHYMIX-a way of combining and remixing a director's existing work to make a completely original work of cinematic art. The first elite director who will get the filmographymix treatment will be Christopher Nolan-director of such masterpieces as Memento, The Dark Knight, and Inception. Get ready to have your mind fucked and remixed and then fucked again!

 ACT 1:

Bruce Wayne is taking a nap in his luxurious Gotham studio apartment-big tittied womem, bottles of Boone's Farm, and empty prescription Xanax containers are strewn about.  Bruce Wayne wakes up from his slumber and smacks one of the big tittied women on the ass saying, "MMMMMMM...Now THAT'S built Ford Tough!"  The big tittied woman then looks up, revealing that she is actually The Joker.  Bruce Wayne is shocked but still somewhat aroused by The Joker's physique.  The Joker jumps up and begins chasing Bruce Wayne down the corridor of his apartment-but something isn't quite right.  The corridor is tilted sideways, but that has everything to do with poor architecture and the fact that the apartment was built on an Indian Burial swamp.  Bruce Wayne, in mid-stride, realizes he forgot to give Alfred his insulin shot and then....BAM!  Bruce Wayne is back in his studio apartment, surrounded by big tittied women, booze and prescription drugs.  Bruce shakes off his bad dream just as Fox walks in to inform Mr. Wayne that Alfred is dead because he forgot to give him his diabetes medicine...or did he?

ACT 2:

At the funeral of Alfred, Bruce is appoached by Two-Face who is one ugly, over-acting son of a bitch.  Two-Face tells Bruce that everything is a game of chance and nothing is guaranteed.  Bruce tells Two-Face that he has a problem and needs to go to gambling counseling.  Two-Face then asks Bruce for a coin to flip because he used his lucky one to place on red and lost.  Bruce gives him a half-dollar coin and Two-Face runs off to the nearest Harrah's casino.  Bruce, needing that half-dollar to buy a deuce from the corner liquor store, chases Two-Face through the graveyard.  During the chase, headstones explode and caskets blow up from underground.  Bruce avoids all the debris and gets within arms reach of Two-Face who is running like a man posessed-a man posessed full of trucker pills and low grade crack.  Just as Bruce is about to tackle Two-Face, he forgets what he was doing.  Bruce is confused as to what it was he was supposed to be doing at that very moment and then realizes he has to give Alfred his insulin shot.  Bruce rushes back to his studio apartment in Gotham. As he is gunning it back to the apartment in his sweet Lambo', Bruce notices he has a freshly inked tattoo on his forearm that reads:ALFRED IS DEAD?
Bruce doesn't know what to make of the sweet tat and then...BAM!  Bruce realizes Alfred was murdered in his dream with the Joker-Bruce knows exactly what he has to do.


Bruce hauls ass back to his apartment, runs back into his bedroom, pops a handful of Xanax and downs a whole bottle of Boones Farm in 11 seconds flat-shattering the previous world record held by pro golfer Jon Daly.  Bruce slips into a deep sleep immediately and then...BAM!  Bruce is back in his previous apartment scenario-big tittied women, booze and prescription drugs.  Bruce wakes up, alert and ready to do what he knows will reverse Alfred's death.  Bruce begins to rape the big tittied Joker with the sweet ass, screaming "WHRE'S ALFRED!", in between each power thrust.  Bruce thrusts hard-like a 'roided-out version of John Holmes-and then stops suddenly.  Bruce realizes that he has humped the Joker to death-a limp body being held up by Bruce's powerful Bat-cock.  Just then, Leonardo DiCaprio walks into the room with Fox-Bruce is bewildered by what is happening.  Bruce pushes the limp, dead body of the Joker off his Bat-cock and asks the meaning of all this.  Leo reveals that he has been mind-fucking Bruce the whole time-infiltrating his dreams to gain knowledge on the sequel to The Dark Knight.  Bruce, almost relieved, asks where Alfred is to which Fox informs him, again, that Alfred is fucking dead because Bruce forgot to give him his insulin in a haze of booze and Xanax.  Before Bruce can react to the news, again, the cast of Celebrity Rehab steps into the room to conduct an intervention.  Before they can even get a word in, Bruce downs a whole bottle of NyQuill and asses out back into reality...or is it?