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May 21, 2012

As a fan of all things "Hammer", I decided to ask Mr. Hammer if he would be interested in doing an interview with me. He said yes as he currently has some free time.

Hammer: "Yo, sound the bell, school is in, sucka!"

Me: "I'm so glad you're excited to start the interview.  You have no idea how big a fan I am of your work."

Hammer: "that's word, because, you know..."

Me: "cool.  Great so let's get started."

Hammer: "Break it down."

Me: "I-I. was about to."

Hammer: "Now they know."

Me: "Okay...So Mr. Hammer, I understand MC Hammer is you stage name.  Do you prefer to go by your given name, Stanley Burrell, In this Interview?"

Hammer: "That's hype and tight."

Me:"um...so is that a yes?"

Hammer: "You talkin' about the Hammer, you talkin' about a show"

Me: "Cool, so stage name it is.  So Mr. Hammer, I understand you've been ordained, how do you feel about that and you newer business ventures?"

Hammer: "The charts? Legit. Either work hard or you might as well quit."

Me: "Yeah...so, you're enjoying them i guess?  Also, how do you feel about your well-known status on twitter and youtube?"

Hammer: "Wave your hands in the air.  Bust a few moves, run your hands through your hair."

Me: "Wow!  That's great you feel really good about what you've achieved.  You should be very proud!"

Hammer: "This is it, for a winner."

Me: "Okay. How do you feel about all the hype people made over your bankruptcy claim?"

Hammer: "Fresh new kicks, advance. You gotta like that!"

Me: "Yes I see your new shoes.  They look very nice, but are you saying that's how you got through the whole ordeal was on advances?"

Hammer: "Yo, I told you."

Me: "Great.  Well that answers that long burning question.  So what's your favorite pastime?"

Hammer: "Give me a song or Rhythm."

Me: "I'm so glad to hear you're still really into music. It's refreshing when you see an artist who has a long standing passion for what they do." 

Hammer: "Go with the funk, it is said.  If you can't groove to this, you're probably dead."

Me: "That's fair.  You're also in such great shape.  How do you stay looking so fit and young?"

Hammer: "Dance to this and you're gonna get thinner. Move, slide your rump."

Me: "Oooh dancing!  I love dancing!  It's such a great way to stay in shape and feel great about yourself."

Hammer: "So move, out of your seat!"

Me: "Are you saying you want to dance with me?"

Hammer: "Just for a minute, let's all do the bump, bump, bump."

Me: "Is that a sexual proposition you're making at me?  I don't really feel that's appropriate do you?"

Hammer: "Look man."

Me: "Mr. Hammer, I will not look at your crotch! Please stop motioning to it."

Hammer: "You can't touch this."

Me: "I think I explicitly said I didn't want to al--"

Hammer: "STOP."

Me: "I--"

Hammer: "Hammer time!"

Me: "Oh my god!  Please pull up your pants! This needs to stop or we're going to have to end the interview."

Hammer: "Now why would I ever stop doing this?"

Me: "Okay.  thanks for your time.  This interview is offically over."

Hammer: "Get way outta here.  You can't touch this."

Me: "Yeah...You said that already."

Hammer: "Too hype, can't touch this."

Me: "I got the message thanks."

Hammer: "Yeah, you can't touch this."

Me: "Okay."