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5 Things My Girlfriend Needs to Understand

#1) I’ve slept with other people.

Let’s face it—at this point in our lives it’d be more weird if I HADN’T slept with other people. I know it’s kind of hard to grasp; but before you, “yes,” there were other people—it doesn’t matter how many. There’s no need to share “when,” and most definitely not the “how.” We know this from Episode 43, “So You Have a Girlfriend—Who Wants to Know Your Number".

There’s also no need to tell you WHY we’ve slept with other people. A guy’s mind is a weird and wondrous place easily influenced by the tiniest drop of alcohol; or, the deep emotional connection we feel to a girl who accidentally looked at us…and then turned away—boy, do we love the chase!

What and where…sure, this can be shared in generic detail to simply help explain the different times in your life. The “who,” well, this one can be a little touchy.

#2) I’ve slept with other people and they’re still in my life.

Between you and me, I’ve slept with some pretty cool people. Some crazies, yes, but the majority of the time it’s been people I already knew and would then begin seeing. It wasn’t JUST sex. We’d hang out, go on dates, and sure it didn’t turn into a giant meaningful relationship, but we each had a good time with each other in the process. More importantly, a safe and disease free good time!

Like every previous relationship either one of us has ever had, eventually, it didn’t work out. We parted ways but through the magic of text messaging, tweeting, instagramming and the wonderful world of Facebook, they’ve never really disappeared from our lives. So yes, they may say something funny on my status or post a picture on my wall, it’s not that big of a deal—we’re friends.

#3) I’ve slept with other people who are still in my life and I do not want to sleep with them again.

When I was younger, I was 100% convinced that guys and girls couldn’t be friends. No way, no how! I was convinced every situation was going to end up like a late night Cinemax movie. I am happy to tell the world that I was wrong*.

There are female friends in my life, ex-girlfriends, and old flings that I have no intention, or desire to sleep with. We’re friends! She’s a cool chick I like hanging out with. So it’s not that big of a deal if she’s texting me at night with the lyrics to “Boats ’N Hoes.” It’s funny! Which brings me to my next point.

#4) I’ve slept with other people whom are still in my life, that I don’t want to sleep with again and are actually pretty damn cool people.

You like me and I like them. By the transitive theory we should all be getting along! If they’re still in my life, they’re probably a person that I enjoy having around.

Here’s the kicker, and please don’t take offense to this, but it may not be for the same reasons I like hanging out with you. I know this sounds like a Greek tragedy to you, but try to open your mind for a second. We have guy friends—we do this as well.

If I want to do Vegas right, I go with Chester.
If I want a good workout, I’ll hit up Kyle.
If I want to get messed up, talk about working at the bar and watch episodes of Summer Heights High, well then I’ll hit up Megan.

Does it mean I care about you any less because I want to hang out with some other girl? Noooo! It’s just something I enjoy doing with another person on this planet that I have a connection with.

Now you’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all of this. Well, it’s because…

#5) I’ve slept with other people who are still in my life, that I don’t want to sleep with again, who are pretty cool people AND aren’t going anywhere.

These…these are my friends. They’ve been here long before you, and if this goes awry; well, I’m sorry, but in all reality, they’ll be here long after you too. In fact, they’ll be the ones taking me out to make me feel better if we do break-up.

Truth of the matter is, anybody who “cheats” in a relationship is just “someone who cheats in a relationship.” You’re not going to stop it, and you’re not going to prevent it. If you think someone is cheating on you, THAT’s the problem. You don’t need to wait for some kind of physical evidence to manifest itself to confirm your suspicions. If you feel that way then something is wrong. You shouldn’t be feeling that way to begin with.

If there’s not faith and trust in the relationship to begin with, it’s not going to matter. Those things…those two little things…they lead to an amazing level of happiness. Get this person out of the way and start seeing someone new.

Good people still exist in the world and there will be more if you find the right person to maintain a relationship with. Instead, good people stay with shitty people and make crappy offspring. I know they always say, “relationships are work”, but I promise you it doesn’t ALWAYS have to be work—if that’s what your “creator” intended, that was just kind of mean.

Just, find someone you enjoy. There are 2,695,598 people in the city of Chicago** alone. Let’s say you’ve dated 20 people. That’s 0.00074% of the population in just one major Metropolitan city. Don’t…please don’t make me run the numbers for the whole US, you get my point.

*I’m not actually happy about this. 
** Demographics of Chicago, Wikipedia -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Chicago

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