Today is merely another wishy-washy glimmer of enjoyment on an immediate level. A premonition. An optical illusion. It is impossible to see all the subtleties & complexities. You miss key sequences, shots or narrative facts.
Riding the subway rails with hobos, I see human suffering & poverty. I sleep on the floor; I go hungry. I learn the difference between poverty & being "broke" (when back home, you are wealthy). I’m too uncomfortable to stay uncomfortable. I marginalize. I disenfranchise. I alienate & subjugate. Disqualify. A voyeur at the helm of exclusion. I tempt fate & that’s when she steps in to raise the stakes. It is an age of creativity where I ask radical questions; where the unquestioned grasp on life is loose. It’s a time of uncertainty which involves society.
A hobo steals my shoes—one of which has a studio ID card sewn into the sole—& is pulverized by an oncoming train. The railroad cops, finding the ID, announce I am dead. Meanwhile, however, I am actually beaten & robbed of the $5 bills I hand out to hobo’s before returning to my film studio. In a stupor, I assault a cop & am cuffed. I tell them who I am, expecting cessation: but without ID & the headlines full of the news of my death who will believe me? I am convicted & sent to a prison work camp where life finally bestows upon me THE experience we seek: human suffering with no escape clause. Now I gain the knowledge to make a film on devastating poverty & genuine suffering.
Except the lesson I learn is the exact opposite of that I expect. I see the last thing sufferers want is to watch people suffer. They need a break. To rumble & implode with laughs. For an instant forget everything that is wrong. To feel how wonderfully silly is.
So, because everything that could go wrong, did—I gain the experience that a perfect story bestows upon her protagonist …. I return to the place I began & sees it with new eyes: The world changes not. I do.