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October 18, 2011

Deliver us from the Hermanator


In December, 2010, Herman Cain called Jesus Christ the perfect conservative. “He healed the sick without a government health care system. He feed the hungry without food stamps.” Great, so Cain’s perfect conservative’s plan to feed the poor and reform health care is magic. He’ll nominate The Count, from Sesame Street, for HHS Secretary.

A Cain administration doesn’t look too good for the Judiciary, either: “[Jesus] was arrested and taken to jail, and no, He was not read any Miranda Rights. He was arrested for just being who He was and doing nothing wrong. And when they tried Him in court, He never said a mumbling word. He didn’t have a lawyer, nor did He care about who judged Him. His judge was a higher power. The liberal court found Him guilty of false offences and sentenced Him to death.” In other words, the perfect conservative goes to court without availing himself of an attorney or speaking in his defense, so that he can be executed for crimes he didn’t commit. Cain’s campaign plans to announce that under no circumstances will he nominate anyone to the Judiciary other than God. In the event that God should choose not to serve his country, Cain will do his absolute best to nominate candidates who have never heard of the United States Constitution.

Deliver us all from The Herminator.