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December 28, 2014

The 10+ Rules Of EMS, First Responder Jokes

1. Skin signs tell all.

2. Sick people don't bitch.

3. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing.

4. Newbies have there own way of doing things.

5. The more equipment you see on a EMTs belt, the newer they are.

6. There is no rule 6.

7. When dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.

8. All bleeding stops....eventually.

9. All people will eventually die, no matter what you do.

10. If the child is quiet, be scared.

(And A few more)

11. Always follow the rules, but be wise enough to forget them sometimes.

12. If the patient vomits in the rig try to hold their head to the side of the rig with the disposable equipment, not the stuff you have to clean.

13. If someone dies by chemical hazards, electrical shocks or other on-scene dangers it should be the patient, not you.

14. Any EMT, FF, LEO and/or scene chief who is more drunk (or more stupid) than the patient is the real problem.

15. There will be problems.

16. You can't cure stupid.

17. If it's wet and sticky and not yours, LEAVE IT ALONE!

18. If at all possible, avoid any edible item that firefighters prepare, especially the tuna casserole.

19. Heaven protects Fools and Drunks.

20. EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by occasional moments of sheer terror.

21. Every Emergency has three phases: PANIC, FEAR, AND REMORSE.

22. You are bound to get a call either during dinner, while you are on the can, or at 02:00 in the middle of a great dream.

23. Rocket scientists that get into stupid car crashes are the first ones to complain how bumpy the ambulance ride is.

24. The severity of the injury(s) is directly proportional to the difficulty in accessing, as well as the weight, of the patient.

25. Turret mounted machine guns usually work better than lights and sirens.

26. Make sure the rookie EMT knows that a med patch is a radio term and not a medicated bandage.

27. Paramedics save lives; But it's EMT skills that save Paramedics.

28. When a patient vomits outside, be sure to aim it at the citizens who wouldn't back up.

29. Never trust your rig, drug box, or airway bag to be fully stocked. In spite of the assurances of the offgoing crew.

30. If you don't have it, don't give up, Adapt, Improvise, Overcome, (then call for a second unit).

31. There is no such thing as a "textbook case"

32. Newbies always look for large things in the smallest compartments and vice versa.

33. There is no such thing as a bad call. Only calls that didn't go the way you planned.

36. If there are no drunks at an MVA after midnight, keep looking, some one is missing.

37. Just because your paranoid does not mean the Supervisor isn't around the corner.

38. Remember what MICN stands for, "May I interrupt your Call Now?"

39. Just because someone's license date is before yours does not mean they know what they are doing.

The final rule is.....Its not your emergency, calm down.