Full Credits

Stats & Data

October 07, 2011

RIP Steve Jobs, may the endless jokes about you be uploaded to Facebook through iPhones!

New Yorkers continue to rebel and protest this week, saying they regret allowing their hopes and dreams to rest on the shoulders of Wall Street. Oh, did I say Wall Street? I meant A.ROD

Apple announced Wednesday that founder Steve Jobs passed away, leaving the technology world in mourning. But don’t worry, the “Steve Jobs 2” is being released in time for Christmas.

A local man has been arrested for putting a video camera in a Washington Starbucks bathroom. A spokesperson for Starbucks said they are appalled at the incident, and added that if convicted, the man will face Venti to Life in prison.

Governor Chris Christie vetoed a tax break for the cast of the Jersey Shore, saying it’s not the image he wants to portray of his state. The IRS also announced it would be auditing the cast, as “The Situation’s” abs declared his face as a dependant.

The actor who voices Mr. Burns and Smithers on the TV show “The Simpsons” offered to cut his salary by 70% so the show could stay on the air, although this didn’t impress his characters. “I’m sick and tired of doing all the work and having the other guy sit back and enjoy the rewards”.........said Smithers

Republican students at the University of California Berkeley are running a controversial bake sale where the cost is determined by your race and gender, in an attempt to protest a new law where schools can consider those factors in admissions decisions. School officials called the stunt a “terrible display of decision making.” Another terrible display of decision making? They’re Republicans, and they go to Berkeley!

Canada has passed a law requiring health warnings to take up 75% of all cigarette packaging, as Canadians were ignoring the warnings on the packages with only 50%. I’m not surprised, if Canadians paid attention to warnings, they would have moved South after the 9th straight month of winter.

Former Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger unveiled a statue of himself this week at his museum in Austria. The statue has actually been there for 14 years, but he didn’t want anybody to know about it until now.

Sarah Palin announced this week she would not be seeking the presidential nomination for the GOP, saying that she “didn’t need a title to make a difference in this country.” Instead she announced her new buddy cop reality drama on TLC: SARAH AND THE ‘BRON, with LeBron James!

The recently deceased inventor of Doritos stated in his will that he wished to be buried with the snack food, and members of his family plan to toss Doritos around his grave as it is lowered into the ground. So it’s official:....This year’s Super Bowl commercials are going to be the weirdest of all time!

For Fat Neil Update I'm Fat Neil, Goodnight, and #PopPop