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June 27, 2017

Some people just don't understand what's coming out of their mouth!

People love their sayings, but sometimes sayings are just throwaway phrases and I think they deserve to be analyzed more deeply. Here’s a list of common sayings that don’t make much sense to me.

1) Actions speak louder than words…well yeah but what if you’re screaming and I’m just tapping you on the shoulder?

2) At the drop of a hat…OK but I tried letting my Red Sox hat fall to the floor a few times and it took like 1.3 seconds, which is longer than the phrase suggests.

3) Back to the drawing board…should be used for Pictionary and only Pictionary

4) Barking up the wrong tree…how would a dog know what tree is right and what tree is wrong?

5) Best of both worlds…there’s only 1 Earth idiots.Unless you’re talking about people on Mercury.

6) Blessing in disguise…how could a blessing even get dressed?

7) Don’t judge a book by its cover…But what if on the cover it says the title of the book you want?

8) Costs an arm and a leg…If you’re selling your limbs for something as stupid as soup, you should rethink your choices.

9) Cross that bridge when you come to it…well yeah that’s how bridges work, you can’t just make them appear.

10) Don’t cry over spilt milk…but what if you spilled it on your Sunday church clothes and your mom will find out?

11) Devil’s advocate…Working for the devil, #ForTheResume!

12) Don’t count your chickens before they hatch…but what if you’re a chicken farmer and you need to know how many eggs there’s gonna be?

13) Don’t put all your eggs in one basket…but what if you only have like 3 eggs and they fit in one basket?

14) Drastic times call for drastic measures…yeah but what if there’s an earthquake and you go to the bunker because it’s safer than trying to help others?

15) Elvis has left the building…well duh did you think he wasn’t going to go to The Bronx Zoo today? It’s pay what you wish Wednesday, bitches!

16) Feel a bit under the weather…yeah, we all are, weather comes from the sky.

17) Given the benefit of the doubt…who(m) is benefit and why does he want to give me his doubt?

18) Heard it through the grapevine…does everyone know about special hearing grapevines except me? Last I checked they are what gives us grapes and wine and nothing else. How do you hear through a grape?

19) Hit the hay…why does this refer to sleepy time and not just an angry farmer?

20) In the heat of the moment…but what if the moment was in the winter and it was super chilly out?

21) It takes two to tango…not if you have an imaginary friend.

22) Jump on the bandwagon…I’m sorry, is there a wheelbarrow with a mariachi band in it that I don’t know about?

23) Keep something at bay…yeah you’re dumb boat.

24) Kill two birds with one stone…how do you even do that? Were they flying super duper close to each other or something? How big was the stone?

25) The last straw…I’ve never been at a restaurant when they run out of straws, this one just makes no freaking sense.

26) The cats out of the bag…why did you put your cat in a bag in the first place?

27) Make a long story short…but it’s all in the details!

28) Miss the boat…idiot just book a ticket on the next trip. Also who even takes boats anymore?

29) Not playing with a full deck…well tell the dealer! It’s their responsibility.

30) Off your rocker…yeah my grandpa falls off the rocking chair a lot and we have to put him back on it, I feel you on this one.

31) Once in a blue moon…what? Did you find a golden ticket in your beer or something? Be more specific.

32) A picture paints a thousand words…unless this is some type of weird contemporary art installation, I’ve never even seen a picture with more than like maybe 25 words on it, and they’re mostly just pictures of people doing stuff.

33) Piece of cake… But please not carrot cake because that’s gross because it’s vegetables.

34) See eye to eye…well yeah you see with your eyes, how else would you see someone?

35) Sit on the fence…Why wouldn’t you just sit on the bench? Fences are so uncomfortable and rickety sometimes.

36) Steal someone’s thunder…what are you, Zeus or something?

37) To hear it from the horse’s mouth…What did you say? Nay? Horses don’t speak English.

38) Whole nine yards…Football fields are 100 yards, why would you only run 9% of the way up the field? Lazy.

39) Wouldn’t be caught dead…but if you’re dead you can’t run, you’d just be out in the open with no one to help you.

40) Your guess is as good as mine…yeah but not when it comes to Game of Thrones trivia, jerk.