Playboy Mansion

69 Coozehound Lane, Beverly Hills, CA 90210



  • $200 million
  • Beds: NO BEDS JUST JAILCELLS
  • Baths: 1 Bath / 1 Grotto (which is honestly just as good)
  • Perfect for: Man and his 7 Wives/Employees

Photos


Description

Be the envy of all the world’s uncles with this historic home held together with bricks and cum. Originally a home for consequence-free sexual assault , this bajillion-square-foot mansion now serves as a sexy hospice for an eccentric skeleton and his 15 daughters I mean girlfriends. For the low price of $200 million, this 18 room / 1 Charlie Sheen home could be yours for the taking. And with only 10,000 Yankee Candles burning at the same time, you can barely smell the 80-year-old semen that currently lines the walls. But also it’s like FAMOUS semen from like Jamie Kennedy and shit so it’s more of a "conversation jizz" than anything. Full disclosure, while not technically haunted, a 1 million-year-old ghost DOES wander the halls in his silk pajamas and has made it clear that he is NOT leaving. Maybe if you say his name three times in the mirror something’ll happen but, honestly, we don’t know.

Call now to schedule a walk-through but please do NOT touch the police tape as this house is currently part of an active investigation.


Listing Details

Dining Room Nah. Hugh eats through like a tube thing and prefers to do it in private in his bedroom.
Kitchen ...maybe??
Family Room Yes but we call it a "Fuck Den"
Laundry Room Technically yes, but years of spilled seed have really gummed up the works in the washer. Dryer’s in decent shape, though.
Appliances Dialysis Machine, Defibrillator, Cryogenic Freezing Chamber, Fridge.
Fireplace More of a "Cremation Furnace" but we won’t tell you how to live your life.


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