Below is a recap from The Bachelor episode from 3-7-16, The Women Tell All. Spoilers, obviously.
Ah yes, the great tradition of “The Women Tell All” episode. Will they tell all? Will they only tell some? Will some tell too much? Damn, I hope so.
1. Who Are All These Women?
The episode kicks off by re-introducing all the rejected bachelorettes and I can’t remember most of these girls. The virgin, the mom, Amber and her look alike, some girl with a chicken … Are they positive all these women were on the show? Seems like they could have grabbed anyone they wanted from the street and said they were a contestant.
One thing I do remember about all these girls? They are so ANNOYING. Annoying girls love to get upset that other girls aren’t making an effort to be friends with them. Cuz you’re annoying.
2. Who Is This Audience?
The women in this audience are so emotional and it’s in unison! They ooh and ahh at anything slightly provocative. The camera finds the strangest expressions on audience members for the close-ups.
3. Leave Jubilee Alone
First in “the hot seat” is Jubilee. (UGH to Chris Harrison, whom we have to tolerate throughout this entire show)
Jubilee is still being attacked for what else, not being nice enough to the other girls. Amber and Pretty Amber are very upset over an incident where Jubilee called herself “full black.” It sounds to me like she is just stating fact. There isn’t judgement or evaluation in that statement. She is factually, 100% (or “full”) black. Jubilee apologized because she is too smart to be stuck in a petty argument with these two, but I don’t think she needed to. Jubilee has been through enough. Let’s leave her alone to heal.
4. Lace Has Changed
We watch Lace’s video package and are reminded that she used to ask Ben if she was crazy all the time (Yes. Always yes.) After a few weeks, she sent herself home to go figure out how to love herself. Did she find that love? She says she’s on her way. She’s aware of her off-putting expressions. She doesn’t use the word crazy. And she talks to her mom every day. Sounds like a perfect time to go on another reality show, which she agrees to! See you in Paradise, Lace!
5. A Dude Has A Lace Tattoo
A crazy guy happens to be in the audience with what looks like a drawn-on Lace tattoo. This guy jumps up out of the audience, takes his shit off, and shows a weird line drawing of Lace on his rib cage. I can always spot a fake tattoo when the tattoo is too wild for someone to get as their first tattoo. I’m calling it. This is FAKE!
6. Olivia. Olivia. Olivia.
Olivia is the most hated woman of the season and she is ready to face her haters! By haters, it’s mostly the twins and someone named Shushanna who needs to take a cue from her name and shush.
The twins won’t shut up about how mean she was to them. I can’t imagine being in a room with those two and NOT being mean to them. Team Olivia forever.
Olivia took it all pretty well and apologized to Amanda for her dumb comments about Amanda being a mom. Not a single person apologized to Olivia for talking about her body and looks. And that’s a real woman-on-woman crime. Olivia didn’t want to be friends with the other girls dating her boyfriend — that makes sense. Talking about her body and toes is some anti-feminist bullshit. (isn’t the whole show anti-feminist, you say? I don’t know. It just sounded like a good thing to say in Olivia’s defense.)
Worst part of this catch-up? Olivia was not asked to join Bachelor In Paradise.
Some other girls talked but it was mostly boring. Then Ben came out and attempted to provide closure to some of the more heartbroken women — Caila, Jubilee, Amanda, and Olivia. He’s a nice boy. So nice that he told two women he’s in love with them. And on next week’s finale, we get to see how that works out for him. Can’t wait!